


Two Files Away From A Full Drawer, One Song Away From A Relationship

by kcracken



Category: Bandom, Panic! at the Disco
Genre: Alternate Reality, Alternate Universe - College/University, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-25
Updated: 2013-06-10
Packaged: 2017-12-03 13:17:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 25,644
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/698676
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kcracken/pseuds/kcracken
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>College student Ryan Ross hates his job until he meets another intern who shares his love in music and can shake his ass with the best of them.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Bang the Doldrums

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ryan has to work to pay for things his scholarship doesn't. He just never planned on meeting someone there that completely captivated him. (Title taken from the Fall Out Boy song of the same name.)

Ryan Ross hated his job.

Granted, it did give him enough money to afford things outside of college classes and books, like food and clothes. But that didn’t mean he had to like it. Filing all day long was boring. He wasn’t ever planning on becoming a lawyer or anything, but interning at the firm paid for everything his scholarship didn’t. 

Today was just like any other. He had a cart full of files from the bullpen waiting to be re-filed. He pushed the cart into the file room and proceeded to start emptying the files into the correct cabinets. As he passed one aisle on the way to the one he needed, he saw someone else working. He’d never seen this guy before, so he had to be a new intern. 

He slowed down as he noticed the guy shaking his hips. He could see the cord from a pair of headphones as he spun around. The guy was wearing a white button down shirt, a skinny black tie with black slacks and… Wait, were those suspenders? He had some papers rolled up and suddenly started belting out Smashing Pumpkins. His voice was really good. Like, _really_ good. The guy turned and saw him. Ryan quickly pushed his cart to the next row to get to work.

He picked up the top folder and looked at it, trying to make his brain forget about the guy dancing and singing on the next aisle. He was so involved in his own mind that he hadn’t noticed the singing had stopped at the guy was walking up to him. 

“Sorry about that,” he said as he approached. “I didn’t think anyone else would come in.”

Ryan jumped, nearly dropping the folder in his hand. “Uh…”

“The secretaries love sending me down to file. It’s been pretty empty.” He rolled his eyes then held out his hand. “I’m Brendon.”

He looked at his hand for a moment before reaching out to shake it. “Ryan. Yeah, I worked down there last year.”

“Oh, you’re an intern, too! I need this job to get me through school. I swear, why is college so expensive?”

Ryan chuckled and noticed he hadn’t let go of his hand yet. He also noted that the guy had lots of callouses on his hand. Some seemed from a guitar, yet he felt ones much like his roommate and best friend Spencer’s. Spencer was a drummer. And then there were others he couldn’t place. “Yeah, I have a full ride and still have to resort to this.”

Brendon finally let go of his hand. “Wow, full scholarship. I’d die for that. What’s your major?”

He sure is nosey, Ryan thought. “Lit.”

“I’m a music major. Not only do I have to pay for all my books and food, I have all of my instruments and stuff, too.”

“That explains…” Ryan looked down at the folder in his hand. He hadn’t meant to even start that sentence.

“Explains what?” Brendon looked very curious.

“The, uh, callouses... on your hands.” He felt his face heat up.

“Oh!” His face lit up. “Yeah, I’m a composition major. I sing and I’ve been taking guitar lessons and got wrangled into playing with the drum line.” He opened his left hand, palm up, and ran his fingers over the toughened skin. 

Ryan watched, enthralled at the soft skin that surrounded his callouses. His hands were beautiful, he noted. His fingers weren’t as long as Ryan’s, but they were strong. He pulled his eyes away from his hands and forced a smile on his face. “I’d like to talk more, but I really have a lot to do.” He motioned to the cart of folders.

“Oh right,” Brendon said with a nod. “Nice to meet you, Ryan. I’m sure I’ll see you around again.”

 

Ryan arrived home from work to find Spencer sitting at the kitchen table with his laptop and papers covering the top. “There’s coffee,” Spencer said the moment he walked in and tossed his keys on the table by the door. Ryan didn’t say anything as he went and fixed a cup then went to sit on the couch, sighing deeply. “What’s up?”

“Long day,” he replied. He sipped on his coffee. Spencer really knew how to make coffee. He could always be a barista if college didn’t pan out. 

“Ah, filing all day long, huh?” Spencer’s fingers typed a bit then he cursed and backspaced. 

“Met another intern today. He’s working the secretarial pool.”

“Poor guy.”

“He was dancing in the file room. Then he just starts singing!”

“How shocking.”

Ryan turned around to look at him. “You are not paying attention to a word I’m saying, are you?”

“Nope, not a word.”

He chucked one of the pillows on the couch at him, knocking his laptop closed.

“HEY!”

Ryan giggled and got up, running to his bedroom before Spencer could chase him in there.

 

It was over a week later and Ryan hadn’t seen Brendon again. He wondered if he was even still working there, though maybe his hours had been different. The firm always worked around their classes, which was really nice. The apartment was empty when he got home. He’d just sat down on the couch with a beer when his phone went off, alerting him to a text message.

He pulled his phone out of his pocket to see the message from Spencer. _Practice tonight. late. lftovrs in fridge._

He smiled. That was Spencer, always looking out for him. He’d been looking out for him ever since he was seven. Spencer was only six, but he always acted a lot older than he was. His phone beeped again with another text from his roommate. _DON’T GET DISTRACTED AND FORGET!!_

Ryan shook his head with a grin and took another swig of beer and picked up his guitar. It wasn’t long before he was lost in his music.

Spencer came home two and a half hours later and Ryan was still on the couch. He heard an exasperated sigh and looked up. “You forgot to eat.” Spencer’s tone was definitely not a question.

“Um…” He raised his slim shoulders briefly then looked back down at his guitar.

“Ryan, you have to eat. Seriously, you’ll fade into nothing if you keep this up.” Spencer went into the kitchen and began pulling things out of the refrigerator, throwing them into the microwave. “You would have already starved to death if it wasn’t for me!”

Ryan sighed. Spencer was right. He probably would have starved if it hadn’t been for Spencer. “Sorry,” he mumbled as he put his guitar aside and got up to head to the kitchen. “I don’t mean to forget.”

Spencer thrust a bowl at him. “I know. You’ve been like this since you were eight. How has it been that I’ve had to do this for twelve years? Don’t you learn anything besides what’s in your books?”

He looked down at the rice and vegetables in the bowl and realized that he was actually hungry. He grabbed the fork and shoveled some into his mouth. “I’m not bad with a guitar, too.”

Spencer leaned against the counter and crossed his arms. “So, you didn’t tell me that the guy you met at work was Brendon.”

Ryan choked on the forkful of rice he’d just put in his mouth. “What?”

“Brendon. He’s in my drumline and a couple of my music classes. He mentioned meeting someone at work and from the description, I knew it was you.” He grins as he looks at Ryan.

Ryan goes to get another beer and took a long swig before looking at Spencer. “Oh yeah, I guess that would be right. He said he’s a music major.”

“And you forgot to mention that to me.”

“Well, you weren’t listening to me anyway.” He concentrated on his food.

“Right. Well, you made a good impression. I have given him your schedule, so he knows when you’ll be in the file room.”

He looked up with wide eyes. Spencer was grinning at him. “Why did you do that?”

“He’s a good guy, Ryan. Give him a chance.”

He groaned, though he actually might like Brendon, as long as he wasn’t shaking his little apple bottom around in the file room. Or singing out loud so beautifully. “Well, okay. Just for you, Spencer.” Though maybe, just maybe, he’d really do it for himself.


	2. Of All the Gin Joints in All the World

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Spencer drags Ryan out to a local bar for open mike night and they run into someone most unexpected. (Title taken from the Fall Out Boy song of the same name.)

Friday rolled around and Ryan still hadn’t seen Brendon. He had to admit that he was a little disappointed. After Spencer telling him that he’d given Brendon his schedule, he was sure he would see him. He had even started bringing his iPod to work to listen to music. It really did make the time go faster. He entered the apartment and was immediately bombarded by his roommate.

“Get dressed, we’re going out.”

He raised an eyebrow at Spencer. “Why?”

He’d grabbed him by the arm and was leading him back towards his room. “Because it’s Friday and the start of the weekend and The Hive has college open mike tonight. There’s a few of my friends who planned on performing tonight. _And_ it’s five dollar tap all night.”

He couldn’t deny that Spencer knew his weak spot: cheap beer and music. “Okay, I want to shower first, though.”

Spencer huffed in irritation, but gave in. At least Ryan was going to go with him. “Okay, but please, don’t take an hour.”

 

An hour later, much to Spencer’s chagrin, Ryan emerged from his room. He’d put on his favorite black button down shirt with his best pair of black skinny jeans. Taking his time with his hair and makeup made him use up that entire hour. He stepped out of his room to find Spencer waiting, dressed in his favorite Duran Duran t-shirt and jeans slung low on his hips. He sighed when he looked at his face, however. “Spence, you’ve already smudged your eyeliner.”

“Fuck,” he exclaimed, looking in the mirror by the door. “It wouldn’t have smudged if you had actually gotten your ass out here sooner.” He huffed and examined the damage.

“Here,” Ryan said, turning him around to face him. He frowned when he saw the full damage. Dragging Spencer into the small half bath, he picked up the eyeliner Spencer had left in there to fix it. He drew down from the smudge and made it curl under Spencer’s eye. He glanced down at Spencer’s shirt and reached for the pale blue liner to fill in his artwork. Once finished he stepped back to survey his work. The blue really made Spencer’s eyes stand out more.

Spencer turned to look in the mirror. He was always amazed with what Ryan could do with makeup. “Fuck man; that looks awesome.”

Ryan then turned to look at his reflection and began tracing jagged lines along his cheek from the corner of his eye. He looked over the pencil in his hand and sighed. “Dude, why do you buy such expensive eyeliner when you can’t even use it correctly?”

He snatched the pencil from his hand and put it back on the counter. “I have sensitive skin. Now come on, we’ll be late.”

Ryan stuffed his phone in his pocket and followed Spencer out of their apartment and the few blocks to the bar. The weather was nice for late September in Las Vegas. A light wind blew, keeping the heat at bay. There was already a line outside when they arrived, but considering they’d been going to The Hive since they were sixteen, they knew the bouncer. “Hey Zack,” Ryan said with a nod of his head as they approached the door.

“Ah, Mr. Ross and Mr. Smith, I had a feeling you two would be here tonight.” Zack smiled and moved the rope to allow them to enter. Spencer handed Zack the cover charge and they walked past him like they owned the place.

“Hey, that’s not fair,” said a short guy with black hair standing at the front of the line. “We’ve been waiting forever to get in.”

“Sorry, dude,” Zack replied. “They come in all the time. You start coming in all the time and maybe you’ll get to bypass the line.”

“Pete,” the even smaller guy beside him whispered, “Stop trying to pick a fight with the bouncer. He’s like ten times bigger than you.”

Pete puffed up his chest. “But I could totally take him, ‘Trick.”

 

Spencer headed to find a table while Ryan went to the bar to get a couple of beers. The entertainment had already started. There was a guy with a head full of frizzy, curly hair hunched over an acoustic guitar playing something Spanish. He was really good and very much into what he was playing. Ryan returned to the table just as he finished and sat down the glasses to applaud.

“That’s Ray. He’s a grad student and is TA for marching band.” Spencer took a sip of his beer as Ryan sat down.

Ryan nodded and picked up his glass while he watched a cute girl setting up with an acoustic. “What? Is it unplugged night, too?”

Spencer rolled his eyes at him. He smiled at the orange haired girl as she sat down and got her guitar situated. “That’s Hayley. She’s a freshman in flag corps and a performance major.”

Hayley leaned towards the microphone, looking a bit flustered. “Um, hi, I’m Hayley. This song is called ‘The Only Exception’.” She fumbled slightly with her opening chords, but soon settled in and sang and played the song confidently.

Ryan was impressed. The song was very beautiful and her voice was strong. He looked at Spencer and nodded. Spencer smiled back. They applauded loudly when she finished. “She’s really good,” Ryan said.

Spencer nodded in agreement. “I’ll make sure to let her know at rehearsal this week.” He grinned.

Up on stage, another chair and microphone were being brought out. Two guys came out carrying acoustics. Ryan almost groaned until he recognized the guy on the left. It was Brendon. He looked at Spencer, who looked just as shocked as he did.

Brendon sat down and got settled then took the microphone and spoke into it. “Good evening, I’m Brendon and this is Jon. We’re going to sing a couple of songs for you tonight. First we want to start with a classic. This is ‘Eleanor Rigby’ by the Beatles.”

Ryan sat up and listened intently. He loved the Beatles. He’d inherited his dad’s entire collection of vinyl records and Revolver was one of his favorites. Brendon’s voice was just perfect to be singing John’s and Paul’s words. He would love to hear him sing more Beatles songs, but right now he needed to applaud and whistle as they finished. He glanced over and saw a similar look of awe on Spencer’s face.

“Thank you,” Brendon said with a huge grin, his bright white teeth glistening under the spotlight. He was obviously made for this. “This next song is one I wrote for one of my composition classes. It’s called ‘Folkin’ Around’. I hope you like it.”

Ryan noticed that Jon had picked up a tambourine. He started and Brendon came in on guitar a short time later. The song was different, but it was the lyrics that Ryan paid attention to the most. They sounded like they were explaining a break-up. He wondered who the unfortunate soul was who had broken Brendon’s heart badly enough to become the center of a song.

They finished and Jon this time picked up an electric guitar. Ryan recognized the song from the opening. It was “The Weight” by The Band. He glanced and saw Spencer tapping his foot and hands. He couldn’t help it when his head started to bob in time with the music. His fingers twitched and he found himself matching the chords with them. Jon was pretty good, but he knew he was better.

After the last chord faded, Ryan found himself on his feet applauding. They were fantastic. Brendon was fantastic. He smiled at Spencer, who grinned back. “He really is good.”

Spencer nodded. “I had no idea. Now I know why you geeked so badly when you got home from work.”

He rolled his eyes. “I’ll go get us more beer.” He turned and wandered to the bar. His mood was much better than it had been when he got home from work. As he walked back to the table, he hoped that he would see Brendon before they left. He got his wish much sooner than he thought.

“It’s about time,” Spencer greeted him with a grin.

Ryan looked at the two other men who had sat down at the table and smiled brightly. “If I’d known, I would have gotten more beers,” he said to Brendon and Jon as he sat down, sliding Spencer’s beer over to him.

“Hey, Ryan,” Brendon said, a huge smile on his face. “This is Jon Walker and he’s awesome.”

Jon laughed and held out his hand to Ryan. “Brendon exaggerates sometimes, but he didn’t exaggerate about you.”

Ryan shook his hand and felt his face heat up. “I can’t imagine what he said to make you say that.”

“Probably that you’re the skinniest motherfucker he’s ever seen,” Spencer said, his eyes not leaving Jon.

Brendon threw his head back and laughed loudly, clapping his hands in his mirth. “Good one, Smith. And true.”

Ryan sat down and smirked. “At least I wasn’t caught singing and dancing in the file room at work.”

He stopped laughing and smiled, his eyes sparkling in the pale light. “Touché.” He reached across the table and grabbed Ryan’s beer, taking a long sip.

“Hey!” Ryan protested, but not a forcefully as he normally would.

Spencer rolled his eyes and pushed his glass in front of Ryan. “Take mine. You paid for them anyway.”

“I’ll go get one for you,” Jon offered.

“Only if you’re getting one for yourself,” Spencer replied. Jon smiled and stood. “And I’ll come with you.” He stood and went to follow Jon to the bar, leaving Brendon and Ryan alone at the table.

Ryan saw Brendon watching him over his glass as they both took a drink at the same time. He sat his glass down and looked back at him. “So, where’ve you been this week?”

Brendon licked the foam from his lips. “Oh, my school schedule has been shit this week. I had to pull a couple of late evening shifts. Thankfully things have been pretty quiet in the secretarial pool.”

He nodded and sat back in the chair, stretching his legs out beside Brendon’s chair. “You were pretty good up there. I really liked the song you wrote. But I’m curious…”

“About what?” Brendon sat up attentively, leaning on the table with his elbows.

“It’s about a breakup, isn’t it?”

He stiffened for a moment then let out a breath noisily as he sat back in the chair. “You could say that.” He crossed his arms defensively over his chest.

Ryan took note of this and realized Brendon didn’t want to talk about whatever it was that gave him the idea to write the song. He just nodded and sipped his beer. Thankfully Spencer and Jon returned to keep him from putting his foot in his mouth again.

 

Ryan was really glad that he and Spencer didn’t live far from The Hive, because he was just a bit trashed by the end of the night. However, he wasn’t as drunk at Brendon. As the night had gone on, he had noted that Brendon had slid his chair closer and closer to his, brushing his leg against his and touching his hands or arm every so often. He realized that Brendon was a very touchy person, in that he liked to touch a lot. It didn’t really bother him that much. It just caused his stomach to flip-flop and frazzled his brain.

They were walking out of the bar right at closing. Brendon had pretty much attached himself to Ryan’s side as he tried to walk, _tried_ being the key word. Thankfully, Jon had taken their equipment out to his car earlier so they wouldn’t have to lug it out now while Brendon was not very coherent. “Walk me home, Ross,” he slurred, holding tightly onto Ryan’s arm.

Ryan had his hands in his pockets and tried not to be pulled over by the heavy weight draped on his arm. “I don’t think I’m sober enough and besides, Jon drove you here, remember?” He looked ahead of them where Jon and Spencer were leaning in to each other and talking in low, hushed tones, Jon leading them to the car.

Brendon whined and moved to stand directly in front of him, making Ryan pull up short so as not to run him over. He leaned close to him, standing slightly on his tiptoes, hands on his biceps to steady himself. He looked deep into Ryan’s eyes; his own a bit glazed over. “You have beautiful eyes and those lightning bolts really make them stand out,” he said finally in a deep, husky voice.

Ryan just blinked in completely shock. Time seemed to stop. He swallowed, trying to find his voice, but it was lost, locked away deep in his throat. There was a pair of chocolate eyes looking into his soul. He was sure Brendon could see all of his secrets in that one moment. He opened his mouth to speak, but he’d obviously taken too long.

Brendon grinned and lowered back to the ground to rock back on his heels. He turned and dashed off to jump on Jon’s back. “Homeward, Jonathan,” he commanded.

Jon groaned as he felt the weight attach itself to him. “We’re almost at the car, Bren. Couldn’t you have just not done this?”

“Nope.”

Back behind them, Ryan still stood rooted to the spot where he’d stopped. He had been pretty sure that Brendon was going to kiss him, but then he didn’t. All he was left with was the ghost of his breath passing over his lips and a heavy scent of beer and a hint of scotch. And a quite uncomfortable feeling in his jeans. Damn Brendon and his hot voice and sexy ass. He hunched over, grumbling as he hurried to catch up with the others. He really wished he had worn a jacket now.

They were finally at the car and Brendon had slid down from Jon’s back. He was talking animatedly to Spencer about something when Ryan stepped up behind his roommate. Spencer noticed Brendon’s eyes brighten while looking at something over his shoulder. He turned and looked at Ryan. “Ready to head home?” he asked.

He nodded and looked over at Jon. “Nice to meet you,” he said.

“Same,” Jon replied. “We’ll have to get together again soon.”

“Absolutely,” Brendon said, bouncing on the balls of his feet. “Very soon.” He grinned at looked directly at Ryan.

Ryan felt his face heat up and Spencer saved the day. “Yeah, maybe next weekend. I’ve got this huge project due Monday that I have to finish.”

Jon nodded. “I’ll give you a call later this week.”

Ryan didn’t miss the smile on his best friend’s face. He bumped Spencer with his shoulder to get him to start moving. He turned and started walking towards their apartment. He heard Brendon call out and tell him bye. He raised his arm in a half-hearted wave and kept walking.

Spencer caught up to him moments later. “What the hell was that?” he asked angrily.

Ryan sighed. He knew this was coming. “Brendon nearly kissed me.”

That caught Spencer off guard. “But… that wouldn’t have been a bad thing, would it?”

“No,” he muttered. No, it wouldn’t have been bad. It would have been great. Ryan was positive he would have liked that very much.

“Then what’s your problem?”

He didn’t answer, just watched the sidewalk pass under his feet as they walked home.

Spencer changed the subject. “Jon asked me if I wanted to play drums with them.”

That got Ryan’s attention. He tilted his head in Spencer’s direction. “What did you say?”

“I told him yes and that you might have some lyrics for them.”

“Those are not to be sung,” he said. “They’re just for me.”

“But they’re so good,” Spencer argued. “And think about it; Brendon’s voice singing your lyrics. What could be better?”

He paused, considering that thought. He did really like Brendon’s singing voice. And he did have some lyrics that would fit his style very well. “Maybe,” he said.

Spencer grinned. “I’ll take it. And you’ll get to play guitar, too. Jon says he prefers to play bass.”

“I’ll think about it.”

Spencer unlocked the door to the apartment and they entered, each heading to his own room. Ryan quickly stripped to his boxers, went to take some aspirin with a glass of water to try and stave off a hangover, then came back and picked up a composition book from his bedside table.

Climbing into bed, he leaned against the headboard, tapping a pen against his lips as he looked at the blank page. Within moments, the only sound in the room was the scratching of pen on paper as he wrote frantically, trying to get the words that were bombarding his mind out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long. It flowed for a while then gave me some problems, but it's written now and the 3rd chapter is in the works. Thanks so much for reading!


	3. Calm Before the Storm

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things are growing more intense between Ryan and Brendon. And maybe Ryan will join the band. Maybe. (Title taken from the Fall Out Boy song of the same name.)

Monday rolled around and Ryan had to go to work early. He didn’t want to get up, so he had to resort to wearing his wire-rimmed glasses that he’d had for several years. He preferred contacts, even though he’d been told he looked very sophisticated with them on. He guessed it went well with the paisley shirt he was wearing under a brown jacket with one of his prized Frodo scarves around his neck. He had his composition book tucked under his arm. He wanted to flesh out that idea he’d had Friday night (Saturday morning, really) into something comprehensible.

He was standing in line at the coffee shop in the lobby of the building in which he worked. He wasn’t really awake yet and it took until he was grabbed on the arm to realize Brendon was standing beside him, a huge grin on his face. He smiled back tiredly.

“Man, did you not hear me calling you? You must not be able to function without coffee.” Brendon’s smile was even brighter this morning than it had been Friday night.

Ryan chuckled. “That’s what Spencer says, but really, he’s worse.” He was next in line, so he thought maybe he should offer. “You want anything?”

Before Brendon could answer, Ryan was being address. “Hi, Ryan!” the perky young girl behind the counter said with a bright smile. “Your usual? We got in some of those pumpkin muffins you really like if you want one.”

“Morning, Haley. I’d love a pumpkin muffin,” he replied with a smile. “And I’m paying for whatever he wants.” He motioned his head towards Brendon, his book now clutched against his chest in both hands. 

Brendon was looking at Haley, waiting to give his order. “I’ll have a triple shot cinnamon espresso and one of those muffins, too.”

He raised an eyebrow at Brendon as he handed Haley his credit card. “Are you sure you need that much espresso?”

Brendon smirked back at him. “Oh, don’t worry. It’ll wear off by lunch.”

He couldn’t help but laugh. Brendon really was quite funny. He took his card back from Haley then stepped aside to get their muffins. The moved to a small table near the window and sat across from each other. He picked at his muffin as they waited on their coffees. Looking up, he saw Brendon take a huge bite of his.

“Mmm, this is good,” Brendon said with his mouth full.

Ryan rolled his eyes and then heard his name called and stood to get their drinks. He handed Brendon his and was grateful that he’d swallowed the bite of muffin that had been in his mouth. He sat back down and saw Brendon opening his composition book. Shit! He had left it on the table when he went to get the drinks! “Please don’t,” he said as he reached to put his hand on the cover of the book to prevent him from opening it.

He stopped, looking up at him curiously. “I was just…”

“It’s… It’s personal,” he muttered as he pulled the book back to him, putting it in his lap. 

“Sorry,” Brendon said, looking at him sheepishly. “Spencer said that you’ve written some songs. You are going to join us, right? You’ll give the band a chance?”

He looked up with a furrowed brow. “Band?”

“Yeah, Jon, Spencer, you and me. Guitar, bass, drums and vocals. That makes a band, right?”

“Um, I still haven’t decided.”

“Please, please, please Ryan.” Brendon was practically begging. “It’ll be so great. We’ll have fun.”

Ryan sighed. He looked so cute when he was excited and really wanted something. “I’m still thinking about it. I haven’t ruled it out completely.”

He grinned from ear to ear. “That isn’t a no.” He checked his watch and noticed the time. “Well, I better get to work. I’ll see you later.” He jumped up with his coffee and headed out. 

Ryan watched him leave then stood and tossed out his muffin. He had a feeling this was going to be a long week.

 

The week passed pretty much uneventfully. Ryan saw Brendon in the file room every day. They listened to their music and mostly were working on separate rows; that is until Thursday.

Ryan had a huge stack of files from one case. The job should have been easy, except for the fact that the files weren’t in the right order either in his cart or the drawer. It seemed that whoever had come down for the files hadn’t put the ones they checked for information in the right place in the drawer. Then to top things off, the files were in the bottom of the cabinet. With a sigh, he sat on the floor and began getting the files in order.

He was so wrapped up in his task that he never noticed Brendon come in to start working on his files. He had his earphones in, listening to his Beatles collection, when he felt light pressure against his back. Glancing up, he saw Brendon leaning over him to put a file in the top drawer of the same cabinet. He lowered his head quickly, his face flushing after noticing Brendon’s shirt had ridden up slightly causing a sliver of pale, taut skin to come into view.

Suddenly, he felt Brendon lose his balance. He reached up, trying to help steady him, only to have them both tumble to the floor. Brendon landed hard against his chest, knocking the wind out of him for a moment. He blinked back tears of pain until his face came into focus above him. “Um, hi.”

Brendon’s brown eyes were wide. “Fuck, man, are you okay? I am so sorry. I just saw you were working hard and I didn’t want to disturb you, so I was just going to put the file away, but it belonged at the very back of the drawer and I had to reach further and…”

“Shut up,” Ryan said as he leaned up and kissed him.

Time seemed to stop. Ryan couldn’t believe what he had just done. He wasn’t normally this forward, but fuck, Brendon was on top of him, their bodies and lips pressed together. His hands were resting on his hips, fingers grasping the fabric of his slacks. They finally part for air and Brendon looked down at him in shock. “You… you kissed me.”

“Well, you wouldn’t shut up,” Ryan replied, trying to brush it off as not a big deal.

“You kissed me.”

He was sounding like a broken record. Ryan sighed and went to move Brendon so that he could get up, but suddenly, Brendon’s hands were on the floor on either side of his head. He leaned down until their lips were just a breath apart. “I’m usually the one who kisses someone first,” he whispered, eyes sparkling with mirth.

Ryan felt his stomach churn and the blood flow through his body to pool at one particular point. “Oh really?” he questioned with a quirk of his eyebrow. He was trying so hard to keep his breathing calm and his voice steady.

“Really.” A smile parted his lips briefly before he sat back on his heels, looking down at him. He ran a hand through his hair, messing it up more than it already was. “So, I guess I owe you dinner now.”

He blinked, confused. “What? Why?”

“Because you saved my life, duh.” He grinned broadly.

Ryan pushed himself up onto his elbows so he could look Brendon in the eye. “I really don’t think that I saved your life, but since I am not one to pass up free food, sure. When?”

“After work?” Brendon suggested.

“I’ll meet you in the lobby.” He smiled and nudged at Brendon with his hips. “You can get off me now.”

He wiggled his hips back and smirked. “What if I don’t want to?”

Ryan laughed and proceeded to dump Brendon on his ass, pulling his legs out from under him. “Later,” he said as he stood up and held down a hand to help him up.

Brendon let himself be pulled to his feet then stood close to Ryan. “Is that a promise?” he asked in his deep, sexy voice.

“You’ll have to wait and see,” Ryan replied in an equally sexy voice before turning and walking out of the file room. 

 

Ryan leaned against one of the pillars in the lobby as he waited for Brendon. He was texting Spencer, letting him know he was going out to dinner, when he saw a shadow fall across his feet. Lifting his head, he smiled at Brendon as he pocketed his phone.

Brendon smiled back, his teeth almost blindingly white. “Ooh, who were you texting?” he asked, trying to see his phone before he put it up.

“Spencer,” he replied, pushing away from the pillar to walk towards the doors.

“Oh right,” he said with a nod of his head as he followed him. “Roommates, best friends, all that.”

He pushed the door open to the parking garage and led the way to his car. “You have a car?” he asked Brendon, hands stuffed in his pockets as he walked beside him.

He shook his head. “Nope. Don’t really have the funds to even buy gas.”

They approached a dark blue Chevy Nova and Brendon stopped and stared. Ryan caught him out of the corner of his eye. “It was my dad’s. She might not look like much, but she’s got it where it counts.”

Brendon blinked, his gaze shifting to Ryan. “Did you just quote Star Wars?”

Ryan smiled sheepishly as he put the key in the door to unlock it. “Maybe?” He climbed in and waited for Brendon to get in before turning over the engine. It purred softly, showing how much Ryan cared for his car. It may be thirty years old and have almost two hundred thousand miles on it, but it was his. He pulled out of the garage and into the street. “Where to?” he asked.

“You must remember, Mr. Ross, that I’m a poor college student. The Bellagio would not be a good idea.”

Ryan laughed and turned right on the next street. “I know the perfect place, then.” He drove towards campus, ending up at Taco Time. The best thing about tacos was that they were cheap and good and really great when you were drunk, high or up late cramming for finals. It was why there were four Taco Times close to campus.

Brendon’s smile was huge when they pull into the parking space. “Now how did you know that I love tacos?”

“Just a guess,” Ryan said, smiling back. They got out of the car and walked inside. It seemed like they’d missed the first dinner rush, thankfully. They ordered and got their food, moving to sit down at a booth by the window.

“So,” Brendon starts as they begin eating. “Did you know that nova means ‘no go’ in Spanish?”

Ryan chuckled. “I have heard that. But the funny part to that is that Chevy made them to last. Mine’s a ’78. Granted, Dad changed the transmission once, but that’s been the only major work it’s had done.”

“That’s pretty impressive.”

“It helps if you actually remember to change the oil every five thousand miles.”

They continued talking about general things, discussing their classes, talking about Spencer and Jon, but not once bringing up what had happened earlier in the file room. It seemed as if they both wanted to ignore that subject. They had finished eating and were just chatting when Brendon excused himself to go to the bathroom. While he was gone, Ryan pulled the composition book out of his jacket pocket. He laid it on the table in front of him as he waited for Brendon to return.

He slid into the booth a moment later, a grin on his face. “Sorry about that. I always get sauce all over my hands, but I just love their hot sauce.” He glanced at Ryan and then down in the direction he was looking. 

Ryan slid the book across the table towards him. “I’ve been thinking…”

“Is this the elusive lyric book Spencer told me about? You’re going to join the band?” he asked quickly and quietly, excitement filling his voice. He ran a hand over the cover of the composition book. The only words written on the cover were Ryan’s name in neat block letters.

He shrugged. “Maybe… but I thought I’d let you see some of what I’ve written.”

Slowly, carefully he opened the book. Inside were pages filled with Ryan’s scrawl. He immediately fell in love with Ryan’s writing. To him it was beautiful. His fingers trailed across the pages, reading his words. There was emotion in every one. It was as if Ryan was allowing him to see deep into his soul. He turned a few pages and a folded piece of paper fell out.

He unfolded the paper to find that it was staff paper with notes and chords written along with lyrics. He went over it in his head and was thoroughly impressed. He couldn’t help himself when he started singing. “So testosterone boys and harlequin girls, will you dance to this beat and hold a lover close.” 

He stopped when Ryan’s long fingered hand fell over the page. He glanced up to see his companion’s face was solid red. Then he realized he’d been singing. “Sorry,” he muttered before looking back down at the paper. “It’s beautiful, though. I am really impressed. I’d love to hear the whole thing sometime… like this weekend maybe?”

Ryan knew he was blushing, but that was because he’d never heard anyone sing his words before other than himself. He was completely in love with Brendon’s voice. He’d gotten every note perfectly in tune. No wonder he was a music major. It would really be a shame if the world never heard his voice. “I would rather hear you sing the whole thing,” he confessed. “This weekend, that is.” He flushed again, ducking his head with a sheepish grin on his face, his hair obscuring his eyes.

Brendon’s smile was bigger and brighter than he’d ever seen. “That can be arranged.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much for reading. I really hope you're liking the story. I'm not sure where it's going, but I hope it's enjoyable, especially for Ryan and Brendon.


	4. Reinventing the Wheel to Run Myself Over

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ryan gets to hear Brendon sing his words again, all the way through this time. And Ryan... he is completely lost in his voice. (Title taken from Fall Out Boy song of the same name)

Ryan hunched down in the passenger seat of Spencer’s car. His guitar sat on the back seat. He was playing a game on his phone as they drove. “Why are we practicing at campus?” he asked.

“Because we live in a rather nice apartment complex and Brendon is still on campus,” Spencer replied, driving through traffic towards UNLV. “I don’t think any of our neighbors would like to hear drums banging at all hours.”

He sighed and quit the game, stuffing his phone back in his pocket. “Being on campus during the weekend sucks.” He was brooding, he knew, but he was also nervous. He was afraid he would embarrass himself playing and singing. He was afraid they’d hate his songs, if he even let them hear them.

“I know it sucks,” Spencer replied. “But until we can come up with a better solution, we’re stuck.”

“What if there isn’t a next time to worry about?”

It was Spencer’s turn to sigh as he turned on the road towards the music building. “That’ll just be your fault. This is what we always wanted, Ry. Brendon and Jon are good, perfect even. They like the same kind of music we do, and Brendon’s voice is golden. You haven’t stopped babbling about him singing the chorus to Lying at Taco Time. You said he got it ‘perfect’, so don’t go lying and saying you don’t want them to sing your songs.”

Fuck Spencer and always knowing what he was thinking. He couldn’t be that transparent. Spencer just had known him for a very long time. They pulled up at the music building and got out of the car. Brendon and Jon were waiting for them outside. When Brendon saw Ryan, he leapt off the stairs with a whoop and ran towards him. “Maybe is a yes, huh?” he said with a huge grin when he got to him.

His brooding was forgotten at the sight of Brendon’s smile. “It’s still a maybe, at least for part of it,” he teased. He grabbed his guitar case out of the back seat and followed Brendon into the building. He had somehow gotten them one of the larger rooms for practice. He said it was because there was already a drum set in there, but Ryan suspected it was because he was Brendon, and Brendon was charismatic and could get anyone to do anything for him. Ryan felt his face heat up and ducked his head, letting his hair cover his sudden embarrassment.

 

  


They started easy, playing songs they knew: Beatles, Foo Fighters, Smashing Pumpkins, Radiohead, Queen. There were times when Ryan would get lost in Brendon’s voice and just stop playing. He would feign that he’d just forgotten the chords which would get him curious looks from Spencer.

They took a break after an hour and a half of playing. They each grabbed a water that Jon had brought and sat around chatting. Ryan was looking out the window, not even paying attention to the conversation when Brendon touched his knee gently. He focused on his face with a questioning look.

“You were in your own world,” Brendon said with a smile. Ryan just shrugged and took a drink of his water. “So, I was wondering if you would play that song from the other day with me. You said you wanted to hear me sing the whole thing…” He looked at him expectantly.

“Um…” Ryan just looked at him, not really sure what to say. He did kinda want to hear Brendon sing it again, but then again, that meant Jon would hear it. Was he really ready to do this?

“Don’t be a bitch, Ryan,” Spencer said, glaring at him. “Let him sing. I know I want to hear it.”

Ryan’s face flushed and he ducked his head before standing and going to his guitar case to get his notebook. Brendon brought a music stand over to where the microphone was and watched him smooth out the paper before setting it on the stand. “Play with me,” he said softly, placing a gentle hand on Ryan’s arm.

He started slightly and looked up at him. His hand was warm against his skin, though he felt a shiver run through him. The look in Brendon’s eyes was pleading. It was the kind of look that no one could deny. He chewed on his bottom lip and nodded, moving to pick up his guitar. “I’ll count you in,” he said quietly. “The vocals come in on four. You… you can sing it an octave lower if you want.” He turned to check the tuning of his guitar and hide his embarrassment.

When he finished, he looked back at Brendon. He was reading over the page again, tapping his hand against his leg in rhythm. He waited for him to look up and then smiled and nodded. Brendon smiled back brightly and nodded back to say he was ready, too.

Ryan counted him in and Brendon began singing, his voice low and gravely. Ryan felt another shiver slide down his spine as he began playing the guitar part along with him.

_Is it still me that makes you sweat?_   
_Am I who you think about in bed?_   
_When the lights are dim and your hands are shaking as you're sliding off your dress?_   
_Then think of what you did_   
_And how I hope to God he was worth it._   
_When the lights are dim and your heart is racing as your fingers touch his skin._   
_I've got more wit, a better kiss, a hotter touch, a better fuck_   
_Than any boy you'll ever meet, sweetie you had me_   
_Girl I was it, look past the sweat, a better love deserving of_   
_Exchanging body heat in the passenger seat?_   
_No, no, no, you know it will always just be me_

_Let's get these teen hearts beating. Faster, faster_   
_So testosterone boys and harlequin girls,_   
_Will you dance to this beat, and hold a lover close?_   
_So testosterone boys and harlequin girls,_   
_Will you dance to this beat, and hold a lover close?_

Ryan watched him sing and realized that he really wanted to kiss him again. Those pouty, full lips were turning his words into sensual sounds. He found himself singing harmony at certain parts. Brendon’s eyes lit up when he sang and he nodded, trying to get him to continue.

Ryan was smiling. Ryan was getting into the music. He lost himself watching Brendon, so much that he had forgotten Spencer and Jon were there. He let the last chord echo as Brendon finished the last line. “Holy shit,” he breathed out quietly after the last echo reverberated off the walls.

Brendon smiled from ear to ear, a little breathless from singing. “Yeah, that sounds so good all together.”

“And at that octave,” Ryan noted. “I didn’t know you could sing that low.”

“Neither did I,” he replied with a smirk.

“And just think how good it will sound with drums and a bass line,” Spencer interjected to remind them that they were there. 

Ryan jumped and turned towards Spencer. “Um, yeah. Uh, should we try this all together? Spence, you remember…?”

Spencer was already sitting at the drum set. He gave a kick to the bass as he picked up his sticks he’d left on the snare. “Yes, I remember. You need to let Jon see the chord progression.”

Jon pulls the strap of his bass over his shoulder and looks at the paper. “I’ve got it,” he says, memorizing the progression. 

Ryan looked back at Spencer. “Count us in?” The drummer nodded and tapped his sticks together.

 

They spent the rest of the afternoon working on the song, getting the bass and guitar lines perfected and written down. Ryan was a little reluctant at first to make some changes Brendon suggested, but submitted when Brendon leaned closer than necessary to make the suggestions. By the end, Ryan was rather keyed up. 

“Guys, I’m starving,” Spencer said. “It’s like nearly five.”

Brendon pulled out his phone to double check the time. “Shit, we need to get out of here. They lock up the building at five on the weekends.”

“You could have mentioned that sooner,” Jon said, scolding Brendon.

Ryan grinned at the pout Brendon gave Jon before he wrapped his arms around Jon’s neck from behind. “I’m sorry, Jonny Walker. Forgive me?

He put his notebook and the newly written sheets into his guitar case before zipping it shut. “I’m in the mood for Italian,” he said as he stood with his case in hand.

Spencer only had his sticks to worry about and stuck them in his back pocket as he helped Jon with his bass. “Italian sounds good to me.”

Brendon stuck his hands in his pockets and looked sheepishly at them. “Um, I’m kinda broke.”

Ryan moved over to pat him on the shoulder. “No worries. I’ll pay. The money from my other scholarship finally came in.” He smiled brightly, glad he would be able to take his best friend and new friends out to dinner.

His eyes widened. “Another scholarship? Seriously?”

He smirked. “This was one from my high school. It’s pretty much enough to buy maybe one book, but I get enough from my lit one that covers my books. I use it for important stuff, like this.”

Brendon smiled all white teeth. “You are fucking awesome, you know that?”

He smiled back just as broadly. “Yeah, but you can tell me anytime.”

“Good grief, you two,” Spencer said as he passed them. “Get a freaking room.” He was grinning, though, as he ruffled Ryan’s hair.

“Hey!” Ryan protested half-heartedly, reaching a long arm out to punch him lightly in the arm. He smiled and followed behind him out of the music building.

They piled into Spencer’s car since it larger and had less equipment in the back like Jon’s. Jon had guitars and basses and amps and cat toys… cat toys? Ryan really didn’t like putting his guitar in the trunk, but he really didn’t want to have it sitting between him and Brendon. He wasn’t quite sure when he started worrying about something being between him and Brendon and how that would mean that he couldn’t watch him. Wow, he was becoming a creeper.

“Sal’s?” Spencer suggested as he backed out of the parking space.

“Yeah,” Ryan replied. Sal’s was a quaint little hole-in-the-wall Italian place just down the street from their apartment. It was run by a first generation Italian-American couple who adored Ryan and Spencer. Mama Leone (she _insisted_ they call her Mama Leone) loved trying to feed Ryan. She constantly said he didn’t eat enough and was wasting away. He tried telling her it was his high metabolism, but she wouldn’t hear of it.

They walked into the dimly lit restaurant (dinner lighting) and Tony spotted them from the back. He was one of the sons. “Mama!” he yelled towards the kitchen. “Ryan and Spence are here. They’ve brought friends.”

A short time later, a little woman bustled out, arms wide as she approached them. “Ryan! Spencer! So good to see you boys.” She hugged each in turn tightly. “And who have we here?” she questioned, looking at Brendon and Jon calculatingly.

“These are our friends, Brendon and Jon,” Ryan said, introducing them to the petite woman.

“I am Mama Leone, and any friends of Ryan and Spencer are friends of ours.” She smiled broadly and hugged them. She seemed very happy that Brendon had hugged her in return. “Now come,” she said. “Sit down and I will bring you drinks.” She led them to a booth near the kitchen then hustled off to get them drinks.

Ryan slid in on one side and Brendon sat beside him. They looked at each other, smiling. Spencer and Jon sat opposite them. Jon elbowed his seat mate. “Do you think we’re like interrupting or something?”

Spencer sighed. “It would be nice if they just admitted it to each other and went and fucked or something.” He suddenly felt pain in his ear and realized Mama Leone was back. He winced as she tugged hard on his ear.

“Don’t you be using such language in my establishment, Spencer,” she said sternly. He apologized quickly and she let him go. She sat down the tray with their drinks, beers for Ryan and Jon and raspberry tea for Spencer and Brendon.

“Thanks, Mama Leone,” Ryan said, hoping to tear her interest from Spencer to save him from more retribution when he complained about getting raspberry tea when she knew he didn’t like it. “We may need a few more moments for our friends to choose what they want.”

“I know what I want,” Brendon said. “What about you, Jon?” Jon nodded in response and Brendon looked at Ryan with a grin before turning to Mama Leone. “I’ll have eggplant parm.”

“And I’ll have spaghetti with meatballs,” Jon added.

Mama Leone smiled at them. “And I will bring your usual,” she said to Spencer and Ryan. Spencer opened his mouth to protest, but Ryan shook his head.

After she left, Spencer kicked Ryan under the table. “What the fuck, man. I don’t want lasagna tonight. Why’d you stop me?”

Ryan made a face and reached to rub his calf. “Because you really don’t want to see her angry.”

“I’ve seen her angry plenty of times,” Spencer countered.

“But not in front of Brendon and Jon. It’ll be fine.”

“I’ll be more than happy to share with you, Spence, if you’ll share some of your lasagna,” Jon said.

Ryan blinked as he looked between them. Spencer was smiling that smile he saves for certain people. Jon had already become one of _those_ people. How had that happened so quickly? Ryan felt a hand on his thigh and he glanced at Brendon. The hand gave his leg a gentle squeeze and he couldn’t help but smile. With his other hand, Brendon reached over to grab his beer and take a sip. Ryan laughed and Brendon grinned.

They started talking about their next practice. Spencer said he’d ask his mom about them practicing in her basement like he and Ryan used to do. Brendon thought that was awesome, because it would mean that Spencer was playing his own drums and not someone else’s. Spencer assured them that they would be able to leave their equipment at the house, too.

Dinner arrived and they dove into their plates. Ryan’s chicken fettuccini alfredo was delicious. They had a basket with garlic parmesan bread which Brendon practically fangirled over. Ryan was concentrating on his food when he felt Brendon bump his leg. He glanced up and Brendon motioned his head towards the other side of the table.

The sight that greeted him was something out of a movie. Spencer and Jon were leaning over to get forkfuls of food from each other’s plate. Jon rolled a meatball towards Spencer and Ryan nearly choked. He started giggling then began singing. “Oh this is the night, it's a beautiful night. And we call it Bella Notte.”

Brendon’s mouth fell open as he watched Ryan. Jon and Spencer looked up, also. Spencer turned bright red and tried to kick Ryan again, but he quickly moved his legs. “You totally did not just sing Bella Notte from Lady in the Tramp,” Brendon said in surprise.

“Oh, I totally did,” Ryan replied, a grin plastered on his face as he watched Spencer get more and more angry. “You have to admit it was appropriate.”

Brendon laughed. “Yeah, that was totally a Tramp move on Jon’s part. Which means Spencer is Lady. Aww, that’s so sweet!”

Spencer could kick Brendon, who yelped and jumped in surprise, quickly pulling his legs up under him on the bench seat. “You both are dead,” he said darkly.

Ryan smirked at him and turned to Brendon. “You ready to go? Our apartment isn’t far from here.”

Brendon didn’t think he wanted to see Spencer angry, so he nodded. “That sounds like a good idea.” He slid out of the booth and waited for Ryan to stand beside him.

“We’ll let you two love birds finish eating,” Ryan said, still smirking, but turned serious. “We’ll see you at home later?”

Spencer looked up, still seething a bit, but it had cooled considerably. “Yeah. Later.”

He nodded and slid his hands in his pockets. “All right, later then.” He nodded to them as he turned and headed out of the restaurant, Brendon following.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading. It's time for Ryan and Brendon to finally realize how they feel.


	5. A Little Less Sixteen Candles, A Little More "Touch Me"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ryan and Brendon are all alone in Ryan's and Spencer's apartment, so of course things happen. (title taken from the Fall Out Boy song of the same name)

Ryan turned down the street towards the apartment. Brendon skipped up beside him, smiling brightly. He gave him a sidelong glance and the corners of his mouth turned up at how open the other man was. As they walked, he noticed Brendon bumping him with his shoulder every few steps and his hand and arm brushed against his. He finally opened his hand and caught Brendon’s, entwining their fingers together. He felt him stiffen for a second, then relax and clinch tightly around his hand.

They walked hand in hand the rest of the way. Ryan didn’t let go until he had to unlock the door. He let Brendon enter first. The apartment looked very much like a bachelor pad. The living room had a couch, chair and recliner with a huge HD television. They had a PS3 and X-Box 360. And they had a full stereo system with surround sound. The kitchen was small, but quaint, and behind the couch was a dining table covered in Spencer’s papers. 

“Make yourself at home,” Ryan said, throwing his keys and phone on the table by the door before moving into the kitchen. “You want a beer?”

“Sounds good.” Brendon made his way over to where there was a shelf full of vinyl albums. He flipped through them and was amazed at the condition of the covers alone. He came across what looked to be an original pressing of Please Please Me and behind that was With the Beatles, then A Hard Day’s Night. He continued on, eyes widening. “Dude, you have a complete collection of Beatles on vinyl?”

“They were my dad’s,” he explained, bringing a bottle of Budweiser over to him. “I inherited them. There’s some really good stuff in there. Ella James, James Brown, Pink Floyd, the Who… it goes on and on, really.”

Brendon turned around with Sgt. Pepper’s in his hand. “Can we?” he asked giddily. 

Ryan smiled, handing Brendon his beer and taking the album before putting his beer down on the coffee table and moving to put it on the turntable. He was very careful with the record, putting the needle down slowly. The apartment was soon filled with the sounds of 1967. He turned and went to sit on the couch, taking a swig of his beer. He noticed Brendon sitting in the recliner with it back all the way. “It sounds a lot better over here,” he said with a grin on his face. “This is the acoustic sweet spot.”

Brendon raised an eyebrow, but got up and went to sit beside him on the couch. Ryan had his head lying on the back of the couch, so he did so, too, and it was amazing. “Holy fuck, you’re right. It’s like super stereo surround.”

Ryan grinned and took another swallow of beer before leaning back and closing his eyes. He loved listening to his albums like this. The scratchy sound of the needle on the vinyl with the bits of dust making it sound even more authentic took his breath away. He wondered briefly what was going through Brendon’s head. He was being quiet, which in the short time he’d known him was quite shocking.

It wasn’t long before he found out. Ryan was so relaxed, his arms beside him, hands at the edge of the seat with his beer bottle hanging between two long fingers. He felt movement, then a shadow fell over him and a warm weight was on his lap. He opened his eyes to see Brendon looking down at him, smiling. He lifted his head and Brendon’s hands were in his hair as he leaned down to kiss him softly.

It was nothing like the time he kissed Brendon. He had taken the initiative that time. It was Brendon’s turn. His lips were soft and warm and full. The beer bottle slipped from his fingers to land upright on the floor by his feet. The sound didn’t stop either of them. Brendon darted out his tongue, running it along Ryan’s bottom lip. He readily responded, opening his mouth and sliding his tongue along Brendon’s.

Ryan brought a hand up and splayed his fingers on the back of Brendon’s neck. His thumb lightly stroked along his stubble covered jaw. Brendon made noises Ryan had never heard before, but he wanted to hear more. He pulled Brendon closer, his tongue searching out every corner of his mouth.

Brendon shifted his weight a little, causing Ryan to moan wantonly. He grinned against his mouth and moved again. This time Ryan brought his other hand up to grasp his waist and attempted to hold him down. “Don’t do that unless you’re planning on following up,” Ryan said between kisses.

Brendon grinned, breaking their kiss and leaning his forehead against Ryan’s as he breathed heavily. “Isn’t that the whole point?” he asked. “Isn’t that why you brought me here?”

“I…” Is that what he thought? That he was bringing him back to his apartment just to get laid? “No, that’s not it,” he said with a shake of his head. “That’s not it at all. I just wanted to get away from Lady and the Tramp. Spencer can get really sickening when he’s in love. And to be honest, I kinda wanted to kiss you again.” 

Brendon sat back. Ryan was looking down, hunched down, trying to make himself look smaller. He sighed and reached out to lift his chin to look at him. “Kissing is good.” He watched Ryan’s face flush bright red. “But why would you say something like that if you didn’t want to fuck?”

Ryan wanted to hide again, but he was already falling into Brendon’s gaze. Fuck, why did he have to be so sexy? “I didn’t say I didn’t want to fuck,” he said shakily holding his gaze, swallowing hard.

“Ah, but you did.” Brendon cocked an eyebrow at him accusingly.

He closed his eyes for a brief moment. “Not really. I just meant that tonight… I mean, this is our first, uh, ‘date’.”

“Second.”

“What?”

“Second date. I took you out to dinner the other night. Remember?”

Ryan laughed nervously. “Yeah, okay, so second date. But still, I’m not the kind of guy who, y’know, puts out the second date.” He cringed as he waited for Brendon’s reply.

There was a pause as Brendon processed the information. “Well, then I guess I can wait.” He smiled. “And I’ll have to settle with fucking your mouth with my tongue until you’re ready.”

He glanced up shyly. “You want to go out with me more?”

“Yeah,” Brendon replied. “You’re smart and dead sexy. And you write such impressive lyrics. I’m willing to wait as long as you need.

Ryan was surprised. Nobody had ever waited. Nobody had ever said they would wait for him. He was always left behind. He liked to take his time. Was that so bad? Maybe not this time. “Thank you,” he whispered before he kissed him softly and fully.

 

They finally got into a better position, lying side-by-side on the couch, Brendon partly on top of Ryan so they had enough room. They had given up on the albums (too often having to get up to turn the record over or change it was getting on their nerves) and Ryan had plugged up his iPod and put his music on random. They had the few rude awakenings when Metallica or Iron Maiden came on, but that only made Brendon laugh, which in turn made Ryan laugh and want to kiss him more.

Somewhere around 9:00, Ryan’s phone rang. He groaned, lowering his face to Brendon’s shoulder. “That’s Spence’s ring tone,” he admitted.

“You should get it,” Brendon murmured into his hair.

Ryan kissed him before shifting him on the couch so he could crawl out from under him and go find his phone. Spencer had sent him a text after trying to call. He had to read over it three times before he really understood it and a sly smile came upon his face. _Staying w/Jon. Don’t wait up & don’t do anything I wouldn’t._

Brendon slid his arms around Ryan’s waist, resting his head on his shoulder. “What did he want?”

Ryan nearly jumped to the ceiling. “Um, he’s staying at Jon’s. So… um, should I take you back to campus or do you maybe wanna stay here?”

Brendon looked surprised then it turned into a smirk. He turned Ryan to face him. “Ryan Ross, are you inviting me to stay the night?”

Ryan had a love/hate relationship with people scrutinizing him, especially people he liked. His face flushed a deep red. “Yes, I am,” he replied finally, proud that his voice didn’t break once.

Brendon’s smirk turned into a broad smile. “So, can we maybe go back to your room? It’s kinda cramped on the couch.”

“I think that can be arranged.” Ryan took his hand and led him down the hall to his bedroom. Tonight was going to be an interesting night.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this is a short chapter, but I am hoping you enjoyed it as much as I did writing it. There was a point where Ryan confused me, but we worked it out. You might be able to tell where that is. Thanks for reading!


	6. You’re Crashing, But You’re No Wave

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ryan and Brendon talk. Spencer thinks Ryan's a prude. (title taken from Fall Out Boy song of the same name)

Ryan woke up the next morning alone. The other side of the bed was cool, so Brendon had been gone a while. He sighed as he sat up and stretched, yawning away the last vestiges of sleep. His hand came down on the other pillow and there was a crinkling sound. Under his fingers was a piece of paper. He picked it up and unfolded it to read the note.

_Ryan,_

_Sorry about the miscommunication last night, but thanks for letting me stay. Thanks for letting me sing your music. I was serious when I said I wanted to see you more. Actually, I want to see a LOT more of you, if you catch my drift. :) But what I want first and foremost is your friendship and companionship and for you to be the guitarist in my band. Just think on that, and while you do that, think about that kiss last night._

_Always,  
Brendon_

A grin crossed his features as he read. He thought he could probably handle seeing more of Brendon. He got up from the bed, pulling on a t-shirt after putting the note carefully in his composition book. Moving out into the living room, he saw Spencer sitting on the couch eating a bowl of cereal. “Hey.”

Spencer craned his head over the couch towards him. “Hey. You’re a prude.”

Ryan stopped in his tracks and looked at him curiously. “What? How am I a prude? Did Brendon call me a prude?”

“Nope, I did,” he replied as he stuffed another spoonful of Lucky Charms in his mouth. “How can you bring a guy back to your apartment and not expect him to think he's going to get lucky?”

“I was being nice and getting him away from you and Jon and your total PDA.” He strolled into the kitchen to get him some cereal. Unfortunately, Spencer had finished all the Lucky Charms. He searched the pantry and found a box of Trix. He poured some in a bowl and added some milk. Grabbing a spoon he went back into the living room to sit beside Spencer. “So, I guess you got lucky last night since you’re calling me a prude.”

Spencer cut his eyes towards Ryan with an exasperated look. “I’m an adult who knows what he wants, Ryan.”

“Knows what he wants, huh?” He turned to face him. “You told me last month you still hadn’t decided. And now suddenly you know? Or is Jon an experiment?”

Spencer punched him in the shoulder. Hard. “Fuck you. He’s not an experiment. I really like him. You’ll like him, too, once you get to know him.”

Ryan rubbed his shoulder. Fuck, Spencer didn’t pull anything with that punch. He knew how fragile he was and that really fucking hurt. “That really fucking hurt. Shit, I was just looking out for you, you know.”

Spencer sighed and rubbed his brow with his thumb and forefinger. “I know, and I’m sorry, but I think I know what I want now. It’s kinda exhilarating.”

“No kidding.” Ryan remembered how he’d felt when he had realized he liked guys a whole hell of a lot more than he liked girls. They sat eating quietly for a few minutes. “So, what’s the plan for today?”

“Halo?”

He smiled. He loved playing Halo with his best friend. This was going to end the weekend perfectly.

 

Mondays were always busy at work. Ryan had so much that he didn’t even see Brendon. He wasn’t even sure Brendon was working. It really didn’t matter since he had so much to do anyway. Tuesday went about the same, though he did see Brendon, though neither one had time for more than a greeting in passing.

Wednesday, however, was different.

Very different.

It was an early day for Ryan. He had gotten to work at his usual time to have coffee before starting for the day. As he was about to walk into the coffee shop to see Haley, he felt a cup being pressed in his chest. He followed the arm holding the cup up to Brendon’s face.

“Here. Haley made it for you just how you like it.” Brendon smiled. “Now come outside and talk to me.”

Ryan took the cup from him, blinking owlishly, and turned to follow him. They went outside and sat on the wall in front of the building. Brendon hopped up easily then held out a hand to help him. He shook it off and climbed up rather awkwardly, but on his own. He finally got settled and looked over at Brendon. He was smiling, the morning sun shining on his face. “So, what did you want to talk about?”

Brendon shrugged. “Anything? Everything? We’ve both been so busy this week we haven’t had a chance to really talk.”

Ryan nodded and sipped from his cup. He had no idea what to say. What was there to talk about? At least what could they talk about here in front of their work? He didn’t have to think for long because Brendon picked up the conversation, as he always did.

“You did find my note, right?” Brendon asked. When Ryan nodded, he continued. “Good, because I meant every word. I really want to be your friend first, though friends with, uh, benefits would be really nice.” He grinned broadly.

Ryan felt his cheeks heat up and ducked his head, hiding in his coffee. He felt Brendon lean his shoulder into him and he smiled. “Yeah, I think we can maybe handle that,” he finally said, still not looking up.

Brendon laughed. “Good.”

They sat in silence for a bit, sipping on their coffees. Ryan thought about what Spencer had said on Sunday. “Do you think I’m a prude?”

Brendon choked on his coffee. “What?”

“Spencer thinks I’m a prude. Do you think I’m a prude?”

“No,” he replied. “What the hell made Spencer say that?”

“Because he somehow found out that we didn’t… um…” His face flushed a deep red.

“Oh.” Brendon’s voice suddenly sounded very small. “Um, I’m sorry. That’s my fault. He asked me a direct question and I answered. I was kinda tired and he was giving me a lift back to campus.”

“It’s okay,” Ryan reassured him. “I just didn’t realize that I might have come across that way.”

“You didn’t,” Brendon said. “Not to me, at least. I mean, it’s kinda nice, actually. Most of the time that’s what happens, a one night stand. But I knew you were different from the moment I saw you. You would want a relationship. You do want a relationship, right? If it works out between us?” He looked at him hopefully.

Ryan smiled. “I hope it works out between us.” He shifted, putting his hand on the wall between them. He didn’t move it after he settled and was surprised when he felt Brendon’s warm hand over his.

Brendon stroked his thumb lightly over the top of Ryan’s hand. “I’m tired of one night stands.” He’s looking down at their hands, watching his thumb follow the curves of his fingers. “You just… you have no idea how perfect you are.”

His face turned a deep red. He turned his hand over and threaded his fingers with Brendon’s. “You’re pretty perfect yourself.”

Brendon squeezed his hand gently and smiled. They sat in silence for a bit, just holding hands. He pulled out his phone to check the time and jumped up with a start. “Oh, I’ve got to go.” He still hadn’t let go of Ryan’s hand yet. “You need to come to the percussion ensemble concert Saturday. Spencer and I are doing a duet thing on marimba and snare. It’s pretty cool. Jon’s going, so you two could totally heckle us.” He patted his knees with his free hand and grinned before letting his other hand go and walked towards the doors. 

Ryan watched him as he waved before going into the building. He waved back, a smile covering his face. Percussion concert, huh? He could probably handle that… for Brendon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the short chapter. The next one should be longer. Thanks so much for reading. I hope you are enjoying the story.


	7. Saturday

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ryan gets to know Jon better. Jon tells him about the first time he met Brendon. (title from the Fall Out Boy song of the same name)

Spencer was happy that Ryan had agreed to go to the concert. He had given Jon Ryan’s number so that they could go together. Spencer really wanted him to get to know Jon. Ryan wanted to get to know Jon too, because he knew how close he was to Brendon. 

Ryan slept in Saturday morning. He’d worked late into the night on a project he had due for one of his writing classes. He was still revising it when his phone beeped. He picked it up to see who was texting him. It was Jon.

_Hey, want to meet for lunch? Bring guitar & we can jam._

He looked at the text for a few moments, tapping his pen against his lips in thought. He had been itching to play lately. He put down his pen and quickly typed his reply. _Sure. Where?_

A few moments later, he received a reply. _Why don’t I just pick you up? Be there in 15._

He realized that he hadn’t even dressed yet. _Make it 30. Need a shower._

Jon’s response made him laugh. _LOL Trying to make Spence and Bren jealous? See you in 30._

Ryan smiled and shook his head as he put his phone down and closed his laptop. Thirty minutes later he was showered and dressed, waiting on Jon. He had just set his guitar by the door when there was a knock. He pulled the door open with a grin. “Talk about timing,” he said to Jon.

Jon looked surprised that the door was opened so quickly. “Yeah, I’d say so.” He smiled warmly at Ryan. “Are you ready?”

“Yeah, just let me get my keys.” He grabbed his keys and wallet from the table near the door, picking up his guitar as he closed the door and locked it. 

 

They ended up at a Thai restaurant near Jon’s house. Ryan took a sip of his beer after a bite of curry. “So, what’s going on between you and Spence?”

Jon looked up, chopsticks halfway to his mouth. He put them on the edge of his plate. “Well, I guess you could say we’re dating.” His brow furrowed slightly. “I thought you two were just friends.”

“We are,” he replied. He lifted a bite of curry to his mouth, long fingers clutching the chopsticks expertly. “Strictly friends, but he has always claimed to be straight.” He put the bite in his mouth, chewed and swallowed.

Jon chuckled. “He told me you might bring that up.” He took a sip of beer. “We talked about everything, that first night, actually, when you were off being a prude with Brendon.” 

Ryan glared at him and Jon laughed. “I’m not a prude,” he huffed.

“I know you aren’t,” Jon replied. “Look, I think it’s great you want to go slow with Bren. He needs that. Most of his relationships since I’ve known him have been rather, um, fast.”

“How long have you known him?”

“Almost two years now. It’s a funny story how we met.” He leaned forward, leaning his arms on the table. “I’d just moved to Vegas, trying to find my way, y’know? I went out to this bar I’d been told was obviously for people like us.” He waved his hand between them, openly acknowledging that he knew Ryan was gay.

“The crowd was rather rowdy that night. And there he was, dancing in the middle of the floor with whoever would dance with him. He was obviously drunk already, like that night we met. He’s such a clingy drunk.” Jon chuckled. 

“Anyway, he was flirting with everything that had a pulse and getting shot down at every turn. One guy was a little too aggressive in telling him no, so I went up and steered him aside. I bought him a Coke, which he thought had rum in it. He sobered up fairly quickly, which made me think he was probably pretty lightweight, despite his looks. I offered him a ride home, which he refused. Then I offered to take him home with me, which he accepted.

“Once I got him in my apartment, I sat him down with a bottle of water and asked him what the hell he thought he was doing. He’d already told me he was eighteen, though he was turning nineteen in a week. He hated his parents because they hated him for being gay and not wanting to be Mormon anymore. The kid was pretty fucked up.”

He downed the rest of his beer and motioned to the waitress to bring him another. “He’s still fucked up, but not as bad. He wouldn’t listen to me when I told him not to go out looking for one night stands. But the first time he came to see me after meeting you, he couldn’t shut up about you. I knew then that this wasn’t going to be one of his usual relationships. He hasn’t even glanced at another guy since that first night.”

Ryan was grateful for the waitress bringing them both a beer right then. He muttered his thanks to her as he tried to hide his blush. This was all so overwhelming. 

“And I just broke you, didn’t I?”

He looked quickly up at Jon. “What? No. It’s just… That’s not how I picture him. I mean, yeah, he’s a flirty drunk, but…” He shrugs. “And… You’re positive he hasn’t looked at another guy?”

Jon nodded. “He’s very serious about you, Ryan, just like I am about Spencer.”

That caught him a bit off guard. He has never known anyone to be serious about Spencer. But he realized that he really liked Jon. Jon would be good for Spencer, and if he really liked Spencer that much, he approved. “I don’t plan on breaking his heart,” he said finally.

“That’s good, because if you did, I’d have to kill you.” Jon grinned.

 

Ryan and Jon were bored. They both wished they were back at Jon’s place playing their guitars.

Percussion concerts weren’t that engaging. Thankfully they were sitting towards the back and could occupy themselves with a paper fight without disturbing anyone else. They both had little bits of paper stuck in their hair when they stood to applaud at the end of the concert with everyone else. They waited at the back of the hall for Brendon and Spencer to find them.

They were chatting softly when Ryan felt arms slide around his waist and Brendon rested his chin on his shoulder. “Jon? Why is there paper in your beard?”

Jon swiped his hand over his beard and came away with a bit of paper. He and Ryan burst out laughing. Brendon brought a hand up and pulled some out of Ryan’s hair. That prompted Jon to run his hands through his hair and Ryan shook his head, dislodging the remaining paper from his.

Spencer walked up and put his hands on his hips as he looked down at the paper scattered around. “Did you two have fun?”

“Spencer!” Jon wrapped his arms around him in a hug and Ryan bent down to pick up the paper quickly and stuck it in his pockets. “You were fantastic, as always.”

Spencer looked at him curiously for a moment, glanced at Ryan then sighed. “I need a drink.”

“Then let’s go get a drink.” Jon took his hand and pulled him out of the auditorium.

Ryan went to follow, but found himself being tugged back into Brendon and lips being pressed against his. Oh, this was nice. This was what he’d been wanting all week. He kissed him back, hands sliding around his waist, pulling him close.

When they broke for air, Brendon was smiling brightly at him. “I’ve been waiting all week to do that.”

Ryan had to smile back, because truthfully, it was the same for him. Then he remembered he didn’t drive. “We probably should catch up with Spence and Jon. I didn’t bring my car.”

His smile turned into a smirk. “Oh, I have a feeling they haven’t gone far.” He casually slid a hand into one of Ryan’s pockets and pulled out the bits of paper. “Did you even pay attention to the concert?”

“Every time you and Spencer were on stage, yes.” Ryan blushed slightly. “And I really liked that marimba piece you did. It was… soothing.”

The smile returned. “It was, wasn’t it? I’m glad you liked it. I wrote it.”

“I know. I saw it in the program… before I destroyed it.” He grinned.

Brendon laughed and kissed him. “Come on, let’s go break those two up and go have some drinks.” He took Ryan’s hand and led him out to the parking lot.


	8. The Mighty Fall

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ryan sees Brendon with another guy and immediately freaks out. (title from Fall Out Boy song of the same name)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a looooooooong chapter. It really didn't have a good spot to split it up. So, don't kill me for length or what happens. I can write angst, but it must have a happy ending. Enjoy!

It was nearly Thanksgiving. Things were going really well. The band sounded really good. They’d actually written several songs. Ryan felt better than he had in a long time. He and Brendon were spending a lot of time together. After the conversation with Jon, he was learning how to handle Brendon’s moods and was taking things very slow. He knew what Brendon needed: attention.

November in Vegas was a little milder than average. Ryan was driving to campus to pick Brendon up for practice. Jon was probably already at Spencer’s. He had the windows down and the wind blew his hair back from his face. He was happy. Today he got to see Brendon and spend hours upon hours with him and he would get to play his guitar and listen to Brendon’s beautiful voice. 

He turned into the parking lot outside Brendon’s dorm and found a space facing the building. He was excited because they were working on another new song. He looked up towards the doorway of the building before getting out of the car. Brendon would usually be waiting for him, sitting out on the wall, legs swinging, head bopping to the music on his iPod. Today, however, he wasn’t sitting on the wall. 

Brendon was standing on the steps talking to a guy who was obviously taller than him, since he was several steps below him, but they were close. Very close. He felt his chest tighten as he watched Brendon put his hand on this tall, slim Adonis’ arm and smile. Oh gods, this was it. The time had finally come. Brendon didn’t care about him anymore. He was being replaced by someone bigger and better.

He realized he was breathing fast, almost to the point of hyperventilating. He couldn’t watch anymore. Starting the car, he slammed it into reverse and drove home as fast as he could. 

His hands were shaking as he opened the door to the apartment. He slammed it closed and leaned against it, trying to calm himself. Tears fell from his eyes as he closed them, and he wiped them away angrily. He tossed his keys on the table and headed to his room. There was only one thing he could do right now to calm down. Pulling out his composition book, he began to write.

 

He didn’t know how much time had passed, but there were several crumpled sheets of paper around him and lots of scratched out words in blue ink on the pages left in his book. He had turned the ringer off on his phone before he even got home. He didn’t want to talk to anyone, especially Brendon. Picking it up, he saw that he had several voice and text messages. He skipped the ones sent from Brendon. He didn’t want to hear his voice.

He did listen to Spencer’s, which only made him cringe. His voicemails went from normal to screaming. His texts went from short and lower case to long and all caps. He bounced his phone in his hand as he tried to come up with a legitimate answer for Spencer. Before he could answer, he received another message from Spencer. YOU FUCKING BETTER BE AT HOME AND HAVE A GOOD EXCUSE. BE THERE SOON. A sigh escaped his lips. He was going to have to face Spencer now. He just hoped his excuse was good enough.

Fifteen minutes later, he heard the door open and slam closed. Spencer stormed through the apartment and threw open Ryan’s bedroom door. “What the fuck, dude? Brendon called us and said you never showed. Jon went to get him while I tried to find you.” He stopped suddenly at the sight he saw. Crumpled papers, tissues in the over-flowing trash can and Twizzler wrappers everywhere warned Spencer that Ryan was having a really bad day. “Fuck,” he said. “What happened?”

Ryan pushed the trash from his bed as Spencer came over to sit down. “I went to pick him up,” he said softly. “He was waiting, but he wasn’t alone. There was a guy, and they weren’t exactly acting like friends. He had his hands all over him.”

Spencer frowned. “I’m sorry.” He slid over to hug his best friend. “He’s a dick, leading you on like that.”

Ryan sighed into Spencer’s embrace. “This happens every time. Why do I suck so badly at relationships?”

“This isn’t your fault, Ry.”

“It always feels like it, Spence. There’s something wrong with me, isn’t there?”

“No, man. There’s nothing wrong with you.”

Ryan sat back, leaning against the head of his bed. “I’m sorry about the band. Jon has some good stuff. You’ll be fine without me.”

“But this has always been your dream. I don’t want to be in a band without you. We’ve always talked about this.”

He shrugged and picked up his notebook, tapping his pen against the pages. “I can just be a poet or something.”

Spencer frowned. He hated this. “Hey, I need to head back to the house to close up and stuff, but I’ll be back with more Twizzlers. Anything else you want?”

“More beer,” he replied. 

“Absolutely,” Spencer said with a soft smile. “I’ll be back in about an hour.”

Ryan nodded and reluctantly let him leave. He watched Spencer stand and move from his room, closing the door softly behind him. He let out another sigh as he picked up his pen and began writing again.

 

Spencer texted Jon that he was on his way. His anger only increased the closer he got to his parent’s house. He went inside and down to the basement. Jon was sitting on a stool and Brendon was pacing back and forth. Spencer stormed right up to Brendon and shoved him all the way to the wall, pinning him there. “What the absolute fuck?” he screamed at him. “How dare you lead him on for so long, just to fucking drop him like a rock!”

Brendon’s eyes were wide with shock. Jon was up off the stool and by their sides immediately. “Spence, stop. What are you talking about?”

He turned to glare at Jon. “Just your friend here has been cheating on Ryan. Ryan saw them together when he went to pick him up.” He turned his gaze back on Brendon, fire in his eyes. 

Brendon’s face dawned with recognition. “Wait… wait, Ryan misinterpreted what he saw.”

Jon put a hand on Spencer’s shoulder. “You need to listen to him, Spence.”

Spencer turned to see Jon’s worried face as the anger drained out of him immediately. “Then what did he see?”

Brendon relaxed a little bit, but he was still wary of Spencer’s hand still pushing him against the wall. “Um, he saw me talking to William, my ex. He’d dropped by to see how I was doing.”

“And you were hanging all over him, weren’t you?”

“Dude, he’s like a foot taller than me,” Brendon said defensively. “And I hang all over everyone. You know that.”

“Not when you know Ryan is coming to pick you up.”

Brendon closed his mouth for a moment. Spencer really had a point. “Look, Bill and I are still good friends. Things just didn’t go well with us and he moved back to Chicago. He comes by to say hi every once in a while. That’s it.”

“That’s not what it looked like to Ryan,” Spencer said with a deep frown on his face. “He’s not had luck with relationships. They all end like this.”

“End?” Brendon asked in a small voice. “No, I… I don’t want to end this. God, the entire time William and I were talking, I was gushing about Ryan. He seemed really happy for me.”

Spencer could practically feel Brendon’s body humming beneath the hand with which he had him pinned against the wall. He loosened his grip and he could now see Brendon shaking. His eyes were wide and frightened. Spencer took a step back, only for Brendon to grab the front of his shirt.

“You’ve gotta help me, Spence. God, please. I can’t lose Ryan. He… he… makes me complete. I’ve never been as calm as I am with him ever. You’ve gotta tell me what to do, Spencer. How do I fix this?”

Spencer was completely shocked by Brendon’s reaction. He really had no idea that was how he felt about his best friend. He didn’t realize he’d been silent for so long until he heard Jon whisper from beside him. “Spence? Tell him what to do.”

He blinked, his brain kicking in gear. He was still a little angry at Brendon for what he’d done, but this could be fixed. He hoped. “I’m going to take you to the apartment so you can talk to him,” he said to Brendon before turning to Jon. “We’ll clean up here first and then I’ll come by your place after I drop Brendon off.”

Jon glanced between them. “I can do this. You just go on and take him to Ryan.”

Spencer couldn’t help but smile at him. “You are seriously the best boyfriend ever,” he said as he leaned in to kiss Jon. He turned back to Brendon with a nod. “Come on, lover boy. Let’s take care of your problem.”

Brendon nodded and grabbed Spencer in a hug. “Thank you,” he said before letting go and hugging Jon as well.

Spencer headed up the stairs to his car. He unlocked it then told Brendon to get in. Going into the garage, he found his dad’s secret stash and “borrowed” a six pack of beer. He could probably replace it well before his dad knew it was gone. He got in the car and sat the beer down beside Brendon’s feet. 

“What’s that for?” Brendon asked.

“I told Ryan I’d bring him more beer,” he replied, starting the car and backing out of the driveway. They drove in silence for a bit before Spencer spoke again. “When Ryan’s like this, the best thing you can do is be patient.”

Brendon turned his head towards him from where he’d been looking out the window, trying to compose what he was going to say in his mind. “I’m not exactly a patient person.”

“I know,” he said with a grin. “But you’re going to have to learn patience with Ryan. I mean, if you really want to stay with him. Let him ask you what happened. Don’t offer, because he’ll just think you’re shooting smoke up his ass.”

Brendon nodded and looked back out the window. After a moment, he said, “Spencer, just so you know, I really like Ryan. In fact, I think I might… I might even be in love with him.”

Spencer had to steel himself to not swerve off the road. Instead, he pulled into a 7-11 and parked. He fished out a twenty from his wallet and handed it to his companion. “You need to go buy some Twizzlers, like as many as you can, and it has to be red Twizzlers, nothing else.”

Brendon looked at the money in confusion. “Why?”

“They’re Ryan’s favorite,” he explained, shoving the money into his hand. “They’re his comfort food. He eats them when he’s stressed and stuff.”

Brendon looked down at his hand and curled his fingers around the bill. “Okay,” he said simply as he got out of the car and headed into the store. Several minutes later, he returned to the car with a bag. Spencer could see it was full of Twizzlers, but also had a small container. Brendon handed him the change. “I got some ice cream for me,” he explained. “That’s kinda my comfort food.”

Spencer took the money then reached to squeeze his shoulder gently. “It’s going to be okay, Bren. If you really do love Ry, he’ll see that.”

“I do love him, Spence. I’m willing to do whatever it takes to show him.”

 

Spencer pulled up outside the apartment building and took Brendon up to let him in. He had the key in the door and was about to turn it when Brendon put a hand on his arm. 

“What if he doesn’t want to see me? What if he doesn’t ask me to explain?”

He turned to face him fully, taking his shoulders in his hands. “He wants to see you and he wants to know why. It might take him a little bit to ask, but I know he will. Just remember to be patient.”

Brendon nodded, his hair falling into his face. Spencer couldn’t help himself as he reached out to brush it back. He smiled at Brendon then finished unlocking the door. Pushing Brendon inside, he closed the door behind him and headed back to his car. He felt a lot better than just an hour ago.

 

Ryan heard the door open and assumed Spencer was back. His room looked a little better. He’d cleaned up the wrappers and beer bottles. There were still crumpled pieces of paper around him on the bed, but some he had spread out to remember what he’d written. He’d even made him some coffee, which was sitting cold on his bedside table.

Spencer was being incredibly quiet, but soon enough, he heard a light knock on his open door. He looked up and was surprised by what he saw. It wasn’t Spencer. Brendon was standing in his bedroom doorway, hair falling into his eyes and his arms outstretched with a six pack in one and a bag in the other. “I come bearing gifts,” Brendon said softly.

His brow furrowed, but he motioned for him to come over to the bed. He watched as Brendon sat on the opposite end of the bed, placing the beer and bag in between them. Brendon reached in the bag and pulled out the carton of ice cream. “That’s for me,” he mumbled.

They sat in silence and Ryan watched Brendon. He was looking down at the bed, tracing patterns in the melting frost on the outside of the ice cream container. There was a tug in Ryan’s gut. “Why are you here?” he finally asked.

Brendon’s head snapped up and looked at him through his bangs. “I need to explain,” he said then paused. “I-I need to tell you h-how much you mean to me.”

Ryan moved the beer off the bed and pulled the bag of Twizzlers to him. He was amazed at how many packages were in there when he reached in to pull one out. Opening one, he took out two and handed one to Brendon.

Brendon took the offered candy and muttered thanks. He watched Ryan scoot back against the headboard, pulling his knees up to his chest as he munched on his Twizzler. He stuffed the end of the red vine in his mouth and nibbled on it. This patience thing was getting annoying. Why wasn’t Ryan telling him to explain? 

“I saw you with another guy,” Ryan said finally. “I mean, I don’t blame you at all. He was hot from what I could tell.”

“He was my ex, Ryan. We remained friends after he broke it off.” Brendon looked at him with pleading eyes. Please believe me. It’s the truth.

Ryan’s brow furrowed. “He broke up with you?”

Brendon let out a little laugh and ran a hand through his hair, pushing his bangs back. “Yeah. He said I was getting ‘too dependent’ or something.” He used air quotes to emphasize. “I was with him longer than anyone else I’ve ever dated. He was really my first. He taught me a lot.”

He sighed, setting the ice cream aside and twisting the Twizzler in his hands. “I never thought I’d get into another relationship like that again. He broke my heart, but I understood why.” He looked up, directly into Ryan’s eyes. “Then I met you. You…. You stabilize me, Ryan. I honestly have never felt like I do when I’m with you. I know this sounds corny, but you complete me, Ryan.”

Ryan tilted his head as he listened to Brendon spill his guts. He stabilized Brendon? No, Brendon stabilized him, he completed Ryan. But if Brendon felt this way, too, that meant they completed each other, right? “So, that guy… he means nothing to you now?”

Brendon’s shoulders slumped and he shook his head slowly. “He’s still my friend. I really hope it won’t bother you that I’m friends with my ex. I mean, he taught me a lot.”

He wrapped his arms around his legs. “A lot of what?”

“Um, well, like I said, he was my first real boyfriend. He’s a couple of years older than me and was in college and we hooked up at a party and he, y’know, he taught me about being gay and all.” His face turned a deep red as he spoke. 

“You didn’t know how to be gay? There’s like a way to be gay?” He looked at him, a sparkle of mirth in his eyes.

“What? Hey, I was… I was in high school and still a Mormon and…” He was interrupted when Ryan closed the distance between them, pushing him back against the bed as their lips collided. He was somewhat shocked until he felt a tongue sliding over his lips. He eagerly opened his mouth to him. Ryan tasted like beer, coffee and cherry licorice. It was actually rather nice.

They parted in order to breathe and Ryan looked at Brendon with a smirk. “Shut up, Bren.”

Brendon had an even bigger smile on his face. “As you wish.”


	9. Alone Together

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ryan and Brendon spend Thanksgiving weekend together.

Ryan awoke with the most wonderful feeling. His body was being cocooned by another. He felt beard stubble digging into his bare shoulder. Two strong arms were wrapped around him and a leg was hooked over his. He remembered the night before, the tense talk with Brendon, but they had worked things out. It was a misunderstanding. 

He rolled over carefully, trying not to awaken him, but he was greeted by wide, chocolate colored eyes and a bright smile. “’Morning,” he said softly.

“Hi,” Brendon replied. “I thought maybe I could stay this time.”

Ryan smiled at him and nodded. Yes, Brendon staying was a good thing. He stretched a little and realized his bladder was rather full. He untangled himself from Brendon and headed into the bathroom. When he returned, he found the other man sitting up in the bed, Ryan’s notebook on his lap. He was reading through what Ryan had written yesterday.

“For diamonds do appear to be just like broken glass to me,” Brendon recited and looked up at him. “That’s pretty deep.”

Ryan ducked his head and moved over to climb on the bed beside him. He didn’t attempt to take the book back. After all, Brendon had seen everything else in there. And that song was for him. “I don’t know, I think this line is better.” He leaned over to point at the line in question. “All the world’s a broken bone. Melt your headaches call it home.”

Brendon nodded, his eyes scanning the page. “Did you have any ideas for music?”

“I was thinking acoustic, maybe.” He shrugged and ran a finger over the words. He still wasn’t sure about them. They still felt a little disjointed and the chorus wasn’t quite right.

Brendon handed him the notebook as he jumped up and went to get Ryan’s acoustic. Ryan couldn’t help watching his ass and hips swaying as he left the room. He grinned broadly when he realized that Brendon was wearing a pair of his boxers. He didn’t even remember when he’d put them on. They traded when he returned with the guitar.

Ryan lightly strummed the instrument, testing to see if it was in tune. He wasn’t happy with how it sounded, so he began tuning it. Looking up, he saw Brendon watching him intently. “What?”

Brendon smiled and shook his head. “Nothing. I just… I like watching you.”

His face turned pink and he ducked his head, making his shaggy hair fall over his face. He finished tuning the guitar then began strumming, moving from one chord to another, F and B flat. He could hear Brendon humming softly the notes in an F major scale, trying to put notes with his words.

“Wait,” Brendon said, reaching over to still his hand. “Do that again.”

He shrugged and strummed the chords in a slow four beat time. After his second time through, Brendon began to sing.

_If all our life is but a dream_   
_Fantastic posing greed_   
_Then we should feed our jewelry to the sea_

Something clicked. Ryan could just feel where Brendon was going. He repeated the B flat and then threw in a D minor followed by F major, D minor and finished with B flat major.

_For diamonds do appear to be_   
_Just like broken glass to me_

_And then she said she can't believe_   
_Genius only comes along_   
_In storms of fabled foreign tongues_   
_Tripping eyes, and flooded lungs_   
_Northern downpour sends its love_

Ryan let the last chord continue to vibrate as he looked at Brendon. The chorus needed to come there, but he just had a few words jotted down, nothing solidified. Brendon kept singing, however.

_Hey moon, please forget to fall down_   
_Hey moon, don’t you go down_

Something came to Ryan’s mind. He had to finish this chorus.

_Sugarcane in the easy morning_   
_Weathervanes my one and lonely_

He looked down at his guitar, surprised at the beautiful music he’d just created with Brendon. When he looked up, Brendon was looking at him intently, eyes dark. The next thing he knew, he was being kissed hard, as if the act itself was keeping Brendon alive. He carefully moved his guitar aside and pulled him closer, deepening the kiss as he lay back on the bed with Brendon on top of him.

They broke apart in order to breathe and Ryan reached up to brush Brendon’s hair back from his face. “You are so fucking talented.”

Brendon grinned and winked. “That’s why I’m studying music.”

Ryan laughed then pulled him down to kiss him again.

 

It was the Wednesday before Thanksgiving. Ryan’s last class had gotten out an hour ago and Brendon was due in two hours. He was frantically cleaning every inch of the apartment. He’d even yelled at Spencer, who just rolled his eyes at him and returned to what he was doing, which was packing because he was spending the weekend with Jon while Brendon spent the weekend with Ryan.

“Hey, fucker,” Spencer said, interrupting Ryan yet again. “You two better not be late for dinner tomorrow or I’ll let my mom crucify you.”

“We won’t be late,” he replied with an exasperated sigh. “Like I’m going to upset your mom. She loves me, unlike you.” He grinned and then had a pillow chucked at his head.

“By the way, I’m leaving the keys to my car in case Brendon can’t stand anymore of your emo shit and needs to get the fuck out.”

He threw the pillow back at him. “The fuck, man? I’m not emo.”

Spencer coughed and said bullshit in the middle of it which only made Ryan even madder. “Oh, come on, Ry. You have to admit that you are.” His voice softened a bit. “But I really doubt Bren will leave. He’s fucking dedicated to you. I seriously think this might be the one, Ry.”

Ryan stopped what he was doing and sat down on the arm of the couch. “Yeah, I’ve been thinking about that all week.” He looked over at his best friend, the man he thought of as the brother he never had and always wanted. “I need you to do me a favor on Saturday.”

Spencer tilted his head and sat up. “What kind of favor?”

He slid down to sit properly on the couch. “I’m ready to take the next step, but I want to really show him. If you and Jon could, like, get him out of the apartment for a couple of hours, I can feign being sick or something and get everything ready.”

His friend’s eyes widened and he looked curious. “Like what?”

He shrugged. “I was going to get Mama Leone to cook dinner and I was going to get some candles and… stuff.” His face flushed as he remembered the rest of his surprise for Brendon.

“Stuff,” Spencer repeated with a grin. “I can just imagine.”

He slapped at his friend’s arm halfheartedly with a slight grin on his face. “Hey, it’s nothing as kinky as what you’re thinking. God only knows what you and Jon get up to.”

“Oh, I think Jon’s neighbors might know a bit, too.”

Ryan groaned and put his face in his hands. “Okay, that’s too much information.” He was still smiling. “So, will you do it?”

“Sure,” Spencer replied. “After all, the new James Bond movie comes out tomorrow. We can go see that.”

He looked up in shock. They couldn’t go see Bond without him. But he realized that setting things up for Brendon was a whole lot more important. Besides, if all went well, maybe he and Brendon would go together on Sunday. “O-okay. Shit, that’s painful to say.”

Spencer was actually surprised. “Wow, you really do care about him.”

“Yeah, I do.” He leaned his head back against the couch, looking at the ceiling. “I think… I think I might actually love him, Spence.” He said it, finally. His heart was thudding in his chest. He could hear his blood rushing through his ear. He felt like he was drowning, but he didn’t mind.

Spencer smiled and got up from the couch to walk around behind him. He leaned down and touched his forehead to Ryan’s. “I know, Ry, and that is totally awesome.” He kissed his forehead as he stood back upright. “Now I’m going to go finish packing. Jon and Bren’ll be here soon.”

“Thanks, Spence. You’re the best friend a guy could ever ask for.”

“Yeah, but I never asked for you.” He grinned as he disappeared down the hall, leaving Ryan flipping him off on the couch.

 

Ryan was actually surprised with how good a roommate Brendon was. He cleaned up after himself, unlike Spencer, who tended to leave dishes lying around for days. Then again, Spencer was probably doing it on purpose to piss Ryan off.

It was really nice to wake up with someone. He’d never really done that before, other than Spencer. Spencer was his rock, always there when he needed him. He wasn’t quite sure exactly what Brendon was, though. Spencer kept him grounded, but Brendon… He was so free and open. 

They had awoken together on Thanksgiving and got up to watch the parade while eating cereal. Brendon belted out the lyrics to every song during the parade, which made Ryan smile. “I’ve always wanted to perform at the parade,” Brendon had said at one point. “That would be so awesome.”

They arrived at Spencer’s parent’s house right on time. Dinner was wonderful, as usual, and they went down to practice after, working more on the newer songs they’d written. As they were packing up to leave, Spencer decided to bring up the movie. “Hey, would you two like to go see the new Bond flick on Saturday?”

Ryan glanced at Spencer then Brendon. Brendon was looking back at him hopefully. “Uh, yeah, that would be great. The crowds should be less by then.”

“Yeah, that’s what we were thinking.” Spencer smiled. “I’ll get with you about times later. We better get out of here before Mom comes down to throw us out.” As if on cue, his mother called down the stairs to see if they would be leaving soon. Everyone laughed.

Friday was a lazy day. Neither Ryan nor Brendon wanted to get out with all the crazies. They ordered pizza and worked on the new song. Brendon played video games while Ryan read, lying on the couch with his head in Brendon’s lap. Ryan really liked how domestic they were being. He felt comfortable around Brendon, which was a good thing. If he was going to take this relationship to the next step, he had to be confident that he wouldn’t be the one running away.

Ryan barely slept Friday night. He was restless and tense. He tossed and turned until he finally got up and went to the couch. He turned the television on low, trying to find something to put him to sleep. He tried reading and even that didn’t work.

Brendon awoke at three in the morning alone. He got up and wandered out to the living room to find Ryan sitting huddled on the couch, a blanket tucked around him, a book in his hands. He rubbed his eyes and yawned. “Hey, you okay?”

Ryan looked up, eyes wide and bloodshot. “Can’t sleep,” he said with a sigh, putting his book down in his lap.

“Mmm.” Brendon stumbled over to the couch and sat down beside him, leaning against his shoulder. “Anything I can do to help?”

He shook his head and moved to wrap the blanket around Brendon, too. He smiled as he felt the slightly smaller man curl into his side, putting his head on his shoulder. He leaned against the back of the couch and closed his eyes. He was starting to relax a little and soon he heard soft snoring coming from Brendon. He chuckled quietly and finally let himself go to sleep.

They were awakened by Ryan’s phone ringing at eleven in the morning. He didn’t answer it in time, but found a voicemail from Spencer. They had found a show time at three thirty at the movie theater nearest the apartment. He texted Spencer back saying that was fine and they’d be ready to leave when he and Jon got there. 

Ryan and Brendon dressed and went down the street to a little Chinese restaurant for lunch then came back to wait for Jon and Spencer. Ryan sat on the couch with his book while Brendon watched television. 

At two thirty, Brendon heard a key in the door and looked up as Spencer and Jon came in. Ryan was fast asleep curled up in the corner of the couch, his book lying against his legs. Brendon got up and went over to speak softly to Spencer. “Ryan didn’t sleep much last night. I don’t think we’ll make the movie.”

“Nah, you can go without him. He’ll be fine. Won’t you Ryan?” Spencer moved over to shake Ryan’s shoulder.

Ryan woke up at the movement, flailing about. “Huh, what? I was just resting my eyes.”

He laughed and ruffled Ryan’s hair. “Brendon is going to the movie with us. You’re okay with that, yeah?”

Ryan rubbed his eyes and looked up at Spencer then over at Brendon and Jon. “Uh, yeah. Yeah, that’s fine. Go on, Bren. I can go see it later.” 

Brendon had a very concerned look on his face as he walked over behind the couch. “Are you sure, Ry? I know you’re excited about this movie. I can wait.”

He stretched his arms over his head and yawned. “No, you go on. I don’t want you to have to sit around here with nothing to do while I nap.” He reached out to take one of his hands, gently stroking the back with his thumb. 

“You’re sure?” Brendon watched him nod then leaned over to kiss his forehead. “Okay. We’ll go get dinner after we get back.”

Ryan smiled, feeling every bit of tension finally flow from his body. His plan wasn’t ruined. “That sounds like a plan. Now go and enjoy.” He looked up at Spencer. “You take good care of him and make sure he doesn’t get lost or anything.”

“Hey!” Brendon protested. “Just for that, I’m not bringing you any Twizzlers.” He stuck his tongue out playfully as they left. 

Spencer was last and stopped at the door. “You really okay?” he asked, worry deep in his voice.

Ryan nodded. “Yeah. I was nervous last night and couldn’t sleep, but I’m okay now. I should have everything ready by the time you drop him off.”

“He need a key?”

Ryan felt his face flush. “No. We, uh, we had one made yesterday.”

Spencer grinned mischievously. “Funny. Jon had one for his house made for me yesterday.” He winked at Ryan and closed the door.

 

Brendon waved goodbye to Jon and Spencer as they drove off, leaving him outside the apartment building. The movie was awesome and he couldn’t wait to tell Ryan all about it. As he climbed the stairs, he realized that maybe that wasn’t a good idea. Ryan wanted to see the movie and he just didn’t have the heart to ruin it for him. He smiled to himself as he unlocked the door and walked inside.

He stood in shock with the door open at the sight before him. The lights were off, but there were candles everywhere creating a warm glow. The apartment was spotless again, like it had been when he’d arrived on Wednesday. He closed the door and took a couple of more steps inside.

Soft music was playing and he saw the table had a red and white checkered tablecloth and was set for two. “Ryan?” he called out as he moved in a bit more, completely confused by everything.

Ryan appeared around the corner to the hallway. He smiled as he stepped into the room. “Hi.” He was wearing his black dress shirt with his favorite black jeans. “How was the movie?”

“It was… really good. What’s going on?” Brendon kept his eyes on Ryan as he walked up to him.

Ryan slid his arms around Brendon’s waist. He smelled like popcorn and it looked like there was a piece of popcorn in his hair. He smiled as he looked down into his eyes. “I, um, just wanted to surprise you. First we have dinner, your favorite eggplant parmesan from Sal’s. And after, if you’re up for it, you could maybe have me for desert.”

His eyes widened. “You mean… Are you saying… do you…?”

Ryan chuckled. “Yes, I am.”

Brendon smiled brightly and brought his hands up to tangle in Ryan’s hair. “Fuck yes,” he said before kissing him.


	10. Hum Hallelujah

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Brendon convinces Ryan to perform with the band at an amateur night at the Hive.

Ryan was smiling. Brendon’s head was cradled on his chest, his arm around him tight. The red sheets looked beautiful against his darker skin and black hair. He was really glad he’d gotten the red ones. He knew Brendon would look good in them. 

He remembered last night, dinner and wine. He remembered how much they laughed when “Bella Note” from Lady and the Tramp came on while they were eating. Brendon had gotten up and started singing along, mimicking playing an accordion. He was really glad that Jon had suggested adding that song to his playlist.

He remembered after dinner, they had taken their glasses of wine over to the couch, sat down and talked for what seemed like hours. They touched and kissed and touched more and then they moved to the bedroom. He remembered the trail of clothes they’d left in the hallway, the bits of skin they’d uncovered, so enticing. 

And then…

He felt Brendon kissing and sucking on his collar bone, causing another bruise to appear. “I’m surprised you found a spot you hadn’t already marked,” he said softly.

Brendon lifted his head to look at him, a huge smile covering his face. “It wasn’t easy, but I didn’t think you’d want me to do what I really want to right now,” he replied.

He leaned down to kiss him. “And what is that?” 

“Just this.” He disappeared under the sheet and Ryan moaned in response.

 

“Brendon! Are you ready to leave?” Spencer yelled through the apartment as he walked through the door with Jon behind him. He turned on the lights to see burned out candles sitting around the room. Ryan hadn’t even done the dishes yet, which was very odd for his obsessive compulsive neat freak roommate. “Bren? Ryan?” 

He walked into the hall and saw Ryan’s door open. When he got to the doorway, he groaned. “Jesus fuck you two, have you even gotten out of bed today?”

Jon stepped up behind him and quickly put a hand over his eyes. “Gah! You could have warned me, Spencer.”

Ryan was pulling on a pair of boxers as he threw some jeans at Brendon. He really wasn’t sure if they were his jeans or Brendon’s. It didn’t really matter. “No, we really haven’t gotten out of bed today and sorry, Jon. You should know better than to follow Spencer anywhere.” He grinned and was promptly hit in the face with a t-shirt.

“Get dressed,” Spencer said as he rolled his eyes. “I’m betting neither of you have eaten since last night either, so we’re going out to dinner.” He turned to head back to the living room.

“YES MOM!” Brendon and Ryan yell at the same time then bust into fits of giggles.

“God, can you believe them?” he asked Jon, only to find Jon grinning and chuckling softly. “Are you agreeing with them?”

Jon shook his head, but his smile never faded. “Never in a million years.”

 

They sat in a booth at Taco Time talking about their respective weekends. Every time the movie was brought up, Ryan would whine and make them shut up and talk about something else. Jon and Spencer had actually ventured out on Friday, joining the rest of the Black Friday shoppers. They’d actually found a few deals on things they needed.

Jon finally nudged Spencer. “Go ahead and show them.”

“Show us what?” Ryan asked, looking at Spencer suspiciously.

Spencer pulled a folded piece of paper out of his jacket pocket. He unfolded it to reveal a flyer. “The Hive is having an amateur night right after exams end. I was thinking maybe we could play.”

Brendon’s eyes lit up and he leaned over the table to see the flyer. “Yeah, I’ve heard about this. A lot of the music students have been talking about it. They feel it’s the best way to let loose after exams. I’m pretty sure Hayley’s going to perform.”

“Yeah, with Jeremy and Taylor. They’re looking for a drummer, too. I’ve heard they’ve narrowed it down to Rian and me.”

“You’re considering playing with someone else?” Brendon pouted.

Spencer ran a hand through his hair nervously. “Yeah, well, I know how Ryan feels about playing in public. I didn’t want to push him into anything.”

Ryan had been exceptionally quiet since Spencer had pulled the flyer out. He could feel their eyes on him. He reached over and pulled the paper to him, reading the type on the page. It was in three weeks. He would be finished with his finals earlier in that week and he’d already scheduled to work the rest of the week. But Spencer was right; he was terrified of playing in public.

He looked up when he felt Brendon squeeze his knee gently. Brendon smiled warmly. “You won’t be alone. We’ll all be there. And I think the crowd would love Northern Downpour.”

Jon nodded. “He’s right. We can play whatever you’re comfortable with playing.”

Ryan pressed the crease on the paper to flatten it more. “But are we ready to play in front of other people?”

Spencer gave an exasperated sigh and sat back in the booth. Brendon put his hand over Ryan’s. “ _We’re_ ready, Ryan,” he said quietly. “We’re just wondering if _you_ are ready.”

He looked up at Spencer and Jon then turned his head to take in Brendon. They were ready, so why couldn’t he do it, too? He could do this. He could do this for Brendon. And for Spencer and Jon, too, sure. He nodded as he turned his hand over in Brendon’s to entwine their fingers together. “I guess I’m ready. Sounds like it might be fun.”

Brendon leaned in to kiss his cheek. “It will be. You won’t regret this at all.”

 

Ryan was regretting saying yes.

He stood outside the coffee shop at work staring at the flyer taped up on the window. He knew it had to be Brendon that talked Haley into putting it up. That probably also meant that she knew they were playing. He sighed as he walked in to get his morning coffee. 

“Hi Ryan,” Haley said as he got to the counter. “Is Brendon working today?”

He shook his head. “He had an exam today, something music.”

“Oh, okay. You want a muffin or anything?”

“No thanks. Just my coffee, please.” He added the please as almost an afterthought. He wasn’t angry with Haley. He was just expecting her to mention the gig and make him nervous.

“Sure thing.” She took his card and scanned it and a moment later, his coffee was waiting for him. “Good luck on Saturday,” she said with a smiled as he picked up his cup.

He glanced up at her, his face slowly turning red. “Uh, yeah, thanks.” He turned and took a sip of his coffee. His eyes caught writing on the cup that wasn’t just his name. Waiting until he was on the elevator to check it, he saw in Haley’s flowing script: Break a leg, Ryan. He couldn’t help but smile.

 

Ryan leaned against the wall in the back hallway behind the stage. He was absently picking at a loose thread on his slacks. He watched as a pair of hands covered his fingerless glove clad ones, but he didn’t lift his head. He just wanted to hide somewhere.

Brendon leaned his forehead against Ryan’s. “You’re going to ruin your pants if you keep pulling at that thread. I can go find a pair of scissors…” He trailed off, moving his head down to look up at his face, his head tilted to the side.

He sighed and closed his eyes so he wouldn’t have to look at that silly, gorgeous face with beautiful eyes that he loved so very much. He wanted to act like a child right now. He wanted to run out of the bar and not look back. It was too crowded. He couldn’t breathe. “I need air,” he muttered.

Brendon took his hand and tugged gently until he pushed away from the wall. He opened the exit door which was propped open with a small amp and took him outside. “It’ll be okay, Ryan,” he said in a gentle tone.

He leaned against the brick façade of the building. “Can you promise me that?” He looked a little irritated, but closed his eyes and took a deep breath. “I’m sorry,” he whispered.

“No, it’s my fault,” Brendon replied. “I shouldn’t have forced you into this. It’s totally my fault.”

Ryan reached out for him and pulled him close. “Not your fault,” he said into Brendon’s hair. “You didn’t force me into anything. I wanted to do this for you. It’s not your fault that I’m a claustrophobic tight ass.”

He chuckled against Ryan’s neck. “I will agree that you have a tight ass.” He reached down and grabbed his ass to emphasize his point. He just held him for a moment before speaking again. “They are going to love us.”

Ryan breathed in his scent then released his breath slowly. “I hope you’re right.”

“Of course I am,” he said with a huge grin.

Spencer appeared behind them. “Um, guys? We kinda forgot something?”

Ryan lifted his head from Brendon’s to look at his best-friend-drummer-roommate curiously. “What? I told you to make sure you packed all of your drum set. It’s not my fault if you forgot your kick pad or high hat.”

“No, I have all my drums,” he replied with a huff. “We don’t have a name. How can we go on stage without a name?”

_By not going on stage_ , Ryan wanted to say, but he kept his mouth shut. Brendon let go of him and turned around to think. Ryan’s iPod fell out of his pocket and onto the ground below. He bent down to pick it up and saw the song that was playing. He put in one ear bud and then smiled. “Panic… at the Disco.”

Brendon spun to look at him. “That is fucking brilliant! Where’d you get that?”

Ryan smiled and handed him the other ear bud and loved the look on Brendon’s face when he heard the music. “Yeah?”

“Yeah,” Brendon said, leaning to give him a kiss. “We are Panic at the Disco.”

Spencer stood there completely confused. “Panic at the Disco?”

Brendon turned to Spencer. “Nonononono, Panic! At the Disco.”

Ryan giggled and Spencer rolled his eyes. “Jesus fuck, you two are weird,” Spencer said. He just threw up his hands and walked back into the club.

“So, are you ready to do this?” Brendon said, turning back to Ryan.

“Yeah, I think so.” He reached out and pulled Brendon to him again, kissing him hard. “We’re going to blow their minds.”


	11. The Music or the Misery

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's time to perform, and boy, do they perform.

Ryan finally let go of Brendon. He’d just gotten an idea to help himself feel even better. He took Brendon’s hand and headed into the venue to find his guitar case and then a mirror. He pulled his makeup case from under his guitar and looked at his face in the mirror. He pulled out some dark pink eye shadow and a black eyeliner pencil. 

Brendon hopped up on the counter and watched him work. Ryan applied the eye shadow not only on his eyes, but under, across his nose and all the way to his hair line, almost like a mask. He had the pencil in his hand next and outlined his eyes expertly then proceeded to start drawing something under his right eye. It took a moment for Brendon to realize what it was. He inhaled sharply as he recognized a flock of birds steadily growing on his cheek. “Whoa,” he breathed out quietly.

Ryan’s hand froze and his eyes turned up to look at him. He didn’t speak, just looked at him. A warm feeling erupted from within Brendon, spreading out. He wanted nothing more than to just slide off the counter into Ryan’s lap and kiss him forever. He was vaguely aware that his mouth was hanging open, so he closed it and tried to put his thoughts into words. “Th-that’s…” He paused because the words were just not there. “Do me.”

Ryan smirked and his eyebrows rose under the fringe of hair that had fallen down on his forehead. “Right here?”

Brendon realized what he’d said and his face quickly turned red. “I-I meant…” His mouth was totally not working, so he pointed at the makeup.

Ryan’s smile was genuine as he went back to finishing his own makeup. “Of course. Just give me a moment.” He finished the last bird that was about even with his lips then put the pencil down and stood. Glancing at Brendon’s clothes, he reached to pick up his bag and dug around inside. He came out with a fatter pencil than he’d been using on his eyes. “You don’t need much. Just enough to bring out your eyes.”

Brendon stared into Ryan’s eyes, their honey brown color making him wish he could drown in them. He sat as still as he possibly could as Ryan held his face in his left hand and dragged the pencil under his eyes. He tried so very hard not to lean into his touch. It was very tempting, so instead he moved his hands to rest on Ryan’s waist. He could see a ghost of a smile on Ryan’s lips as he told him to close his eyes so he could get the lids.

When he finished, Ryan stepped back to survey his work. It was simple, but it suited Brendon. And it certainly brought out his eyes. “Well, what do you think?”

Brendon hopped down off of the counter and turned to look in the mirror. “Wow. I never realized how big my eyes are. And how brown.”

“How now brown cow?” Ryan said then chuckled. “I happen to like them. A lot.”

Brendon turned around, smiling brightly. “And I like you. A lot.” He put his hands back on Ryan’s hips again, sliding his hips forward. “Can I kiss you now?”

“I don’t know, can you?” Ryan teased, looking at him fondly.

Brendon leaned in to crush their lips together, kissing him softly, but with every ounce of his love for Ryan. When they parted, he saw Jon over Ryan’s shoulder. “Is it time?” he asked Jon.

“Spence is getting set up, so yeah, it’s time.” He raised an eyebrow as Ryan turned around. “Wow. That’s impressive,” he said, motioning towards Ryan’s face.

Ryan smiled. “Thanks. I guess we should go, huh?”

Brendon leaned over to kiss the corner of his mouth. “You’re going to do fabulous.”

 

Ryan tuned his guitar while he watched Brendon. The younger man was bouncing on the balls of his feet, shaking out his arms. “What are you doing?” he asked.

Brendon stopped and looked a bit embarrassed. “Um, just, you know, warming up.”

Ryan nodded. “What about your voice?”

Brendon went back to bouncing. “I’m humming. Don’t want to do any more than that. I need to save it for the show.” He smiled and winked before moving closer to the edge of the stage. The place was crowded and he had to admit that he was getting a bit nervous. But it was the good kind of nervous. He liked the nerves before a show. They tingled his skin and didn’t make him nauseous.

Several people from his music classes walked by and wished them luck. Brendon waved and thanked them, but kept his mind on his what he was going to do onstage. Spencer appeared to say he was ready. Jon had his bass and Ryan his guitar. Someone had put Brendon’s keyboard on the stage already. He turned and smiled at the others. “You ready to do this?”

Ryan nodded and Spencer clasped his shoulder and smiled at him before moving past Brendon and on the stage. Jon gave them a thumb’s up and headed out behind Spencer. Ryan moved over to kiss Brendon on the cheek. “For luck,” he muttered before heading out on stage to plug up his guitar.

Brendon smiled then took a deep breath to center himself before heading out into the spotlight. He looked at Ryan, who seemed ready, and nodded. Ryan counted off and they started together.

Ryan watched his guitar at first, making sure he was getting the chords right, but he caught Brendon out of the corner of his eyes, bouncing to the front of the stage, singing to the crowd and getting them into the song. He was so impressed with Brendon’s energy and enthusiasm. He was a perfect front man. He danced over and Ryan sang harmony with him before he headed over to play something on his keyboard during the bridge.

Ryan found Brendon’s enthusiasm rather catching. By the end of the song, he was actually smiling and bouncing along to the beat. He strummed the last chord and let it reverberate while Brendon approached the front of the stage.

“Good evening, everyone! We are Panic! at the Disco. I hope you’re having a good time tonight. I know we are. There have been some spectacular performances tonight. So, to let you know who we are, I am Brendon.” He gave a little wave and there was a huge cheer from the audience.

“On drums is Spencer, Jon is playing bass,” he said as he pointed at them with a flourish. Spencer got almost as large a cheer as Brendon. Ryan figured that most of the people there must be from the music department. He felt Brendon standing behind him, leaning over his shoulder, the microphone near both of their mouths. “And this handsome devil playing guitar is Ryan. Say hello, Ryan.”

Ryan glanced at him with wide eyes and was greeted with a brilliant white smile. “Um, hello, Ryan?” he said into the microphone which got a good laugh from the audience.

Brendon winked and surreptitiously kissed his neck as he backed away and moved towards his keyboard. “All of the songs we’re playing were written by Ryan. He’s a fucking awesome lyricist.” He sat down and put the microphone in the holder, adjusting it so he could sing into it as he played. “This song is the first one he showed me and I fell in love immediately. We call it Lying Is the Most Fun a Girl Can Have Without Taking Her Clothes Off.”

Ryan watched as Brendon counted off the beginning before he started singing. He almost missed his cue to start. Brendon was singing an octave lower than they’d practiced and it was the sexiest sound Ryan had ever heard. He kept his eyes firmly on Brendon as he sang the harmony. After it finished, he moved to pick up his acoustic guitar and went to sit on the bench with Brendon. Jon had put a microphone up for him and picked up his electric guitar.

“You ready?” Brendon asked and Ryan nodded. Ryan began the first chords and Brendon leaned towards the microphone to sing. This was their song, the one Ryan had written when he was afraid he’d lost Brendon to someone else. Brendon had finished the chorus for him, and now they were singing it together.

Chills went down Ryan’s spine at the cheers after they finished the song. He actually looked out into the audience and smiled. Before he could stand, Brendon had grabbed his jacket and leaned to whisper in his ear. “I told you they’d love it.”

Ryan had to agree. He turned his head to kiss Brendon before standing and moving to pick up his electric again for their last piece. Brendon took the microphone off and turned to talk to the crowd. “Thank you all for staying and listening to all this good music tonight. We have one more song for you. Remember our name, Panic! at the Disco. Now this is called But It’s Better If You Do.”

He glanced towards Ryan to make sure he was ready, and at his little nod, he turned back to the keyboard and began. He played for about half the song then picked up the microphone and stepped out to engage the crowd again. He moved over and sang to Jon for a moment then moved over to Ryan and sang to him. Ryan smiled and they shared the microphone as they sang.

And then it was over.

The bar erupted in cheers and applause as they walked off the stage. Brendon hugged Ryan, then Jon joined in and Spencer leapt on the pile. “That was fucking incredible!” Spencer shouted over the noise.

Jon laughed and said, “Brendon worked the crowd like a pro.”

Brendon lifted his head from Ryan’s chest. Even with just four songs, he was sweating, his hair stuck flat to his head, but it couldn’t dampen his happiness. He smiled at Jon and then saw the host coming towards them. “Hey, do you guys have an encore? This crowd is going nuts for more.”

Brendon looked down at Ryan who seemed to be contemplating the prospect of going out again. “We don’t have to,” he said softly to him.

Ryan could see the disappointment in Brendon’s eyes. He really wanted them to play something else. And Ryan really wanted to play something for him. “Let’s reinvent love,” he said with a smile.

Brendon’s eyes widened. “Really? Do you think we’re ready? Are _you_ ready? Oh my God, am _I_ even ready?”

Ryan silenced him with a kiss. “I’m ready, you’re ready, and I’m positive Spence and Jon are ready. So, let’s do this.”

They headed back out and the screams actually got louder. Brendon grinned broadly. “Wow, thank you. I mean, seriously, this is totally unexpected. So, yeah, we’re going to sing a song we’ve been working on a couple of weeks, so forgive us if it isn’t that great. This song is called Mad as Rabbits.”

 

Ryan sat at the table with his feet up in Brendon’s lap, a bottle of beer in his hand, their huge trophy adorning the center of the table. He didn’t even know it had been a competition. It seemed that the fact they were the only group to get an encore gave them the trophy automatically. Spencer hadn’t taken his hand off the trophy since they’d been given it. 

“Hey, Spence,” he drawled. Yeah, he was slightly drunk. He hadn’t eaten much and they pretty much started drinking immediately after they played. “I’m sure Jon would rather your hand be elsewhere than that trophy.”

Jon tossed a piece of popcorn from the bowl on the table at him. Spencer raised his other hand with a beer bottle clutched tightly in his fist and flipped him off. Brendon started giggling and couldn’t stop. He doubled over Ryan’s legs laughing. Ryan rolled his eyes and nudged him with his foot, which only had Brendon laughing more.

“Someone remind me why we let him drink?” Spencer asked, watching Brendon from where he had his head resting on the top of the table on his arm that was outstretched towards the trophy.

“Because it’s much better than him pouting because we didn’t let him drink,” Jon said as he drank the last of the beer in his bottle. 

Ryan nods in agreement. “He’s a ruthless pouter, Spence. Even you would not be immune to the power of the Urie Pout.”

“The what?” Spencer asked.

“The Urie Pout. Jon and I named it. It’s fucking relentless. Not even Lucifer would be able to ignore The Pout.” Ryan wiggled his legs a little because Brendon had his hand up the leg of his pants and was running it along his calf lightly. He could feel his skin tingling at the intimate touch.

Brendon raised his head from Ryan’s legs. “Are you talking about me?”

“Just discussing your fearsome pout, babe,” Ryan replied.

His brow furrowed as he processed Ryan’s words. “You’re afraid of my pout?”

Ryan moved his legs from Brendon’s lap and sat up, leaning in close. “Not afraid,” he said softly into his ear. “Though I’d do anything you asked if you pouted.”

Brendon smiled giddily at the prospect and Spencer moaned in agony. “I did not need to hear that, fucker!” he yelled at Ryan.

Ryan whispered something into Brendon’s ear and Brendon grinned before turning to Spencer and put on his best pout. Spencer looked up and gave him his bitch look. They had a staring contest for a few minutes until one of them broke.

“Oh, just stop it. That’s not fucking fair!”

Ryan and Jon laughed. “See, you aren’t immune either,” Ryan said.

Spencer had stood up and was about to stomp off when he realized they were the only ones in the bar, except for the bartender and Zack, the bouncer. “Dude, why didn’t you kick us out?” he said to Zack.

That got their attention and they looked around the bar to come to the same conclusion. Zack just laughed. “I certainly wasn’t going to let two underage drunks go out and possibly get hurt and it get back that we served you.”

“’m not drunk,” Spencer said with a pout.

“Yeah, Spence, you are,” Jon replied. “Though we’ll probably be sober enough by the time we get the car loaded with our stuff.”

Zack shook his head. “Nah, you guys can leave your stuff here. I’ll call a cab to come get you.”

“That won’t be necessary,” Ryan said. “Spencer and I live only four blocks away. We can walk, but I need my guitar.”

“It’ll be safe here. I’ve already put it up in the room with the lock.”

“Yeah, but I need my guitar. My house keys are in the case.” Ryan stood, his knees a little shaky, but he stayed upright.

“Oh, well that makes sense then.” Zack led him back and unlocked the door. They found the guitar case and Ryan got out his keys before walking back out to where the others were waiting. 

“I think your boyfriend fell asleep,” Jon said, pointing to where Brendon was slumped over in his chair.

Ryan looked sympathetically over at Brendon. He tossed his keys to Jon. “You two go on ahead. We’ll be right behind you.” He moved over and stooped beside the younger man, reaching out to brush his hair back from his face.

Brendon stirred and swatted at his hand. “’m awake.”

Ryan chuckled low. “Yeah, right. C’mon. We’re walking home.” He slid his arm under Brendon’s to help him from the chair. 

Brendon leaned on him a bit, but he was starting to regain consciousness. “Home?”

“Yeah,” Ryan said as he helped Brendon to the door. Zack was waiting to lock the door behind them. He smiled and nodded his thanks to the bouncer as they stepped out into the cool air.

Brendon shivered at the change in temperature. “I don’t have a home.”

“Yeah you do,” Ryan replied, shifting him into a more comfortable position. “With me.”

Brendon was suddenly wide awake. He stopped and pulled Ryan to a halt with him, turning to face him. His eyebrows were at the top of his forehead. “Do you mean that?”

Ryan had actually been thinking about this since Thanksgiving weekend. Spencer had been talking about moving in with Jon, which didn’t surprise Ryan at all, and he had suggested that Brendon take his room. But Ryan didn’t want Brendon to stay in Spencer’s room. He wanted Brendon in his room. “I thought maybe you could move in with me. It would save you paying for a dorm room you would hardly be staying in. It’d free up your scholarship money to pay for books and stuff instead.”

Brendon smiled and leaned in to kiss him. “That has to be one of the best things anyone has ever said to me,” he said.

Ryan returned his smile, glad to make Brendon happy. “So, you want to move in?”

“Fuck yes,” Brendon said, wrapping his arms around his neck. “I love you so much.”

Ryan slid his arms around his waist and pulled him close. “I love you, too,” he mumbled as he kissed him deeply.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One more chapter, an epilogue set in the future. Thank you all for reading. I hope you have enjoyed this story. If anyone wants more from this universe, just let me know and I'll write more. I have enjoyed this so much.


	12. Epilogue: 10 Years Later

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> During the 10th anniversary of Brendon and Ryan's first date, Ryan has a huge surprise.

It was the tenth anniversary of their first date. Ryan had planned this night months ago. He knew it was a little overboard, but he didn’t care. He wasn’t sure when he had become this sentimental sap, but he kind of liked it. He was currently driving with Brendon in the passenger seat, a blindfold over his eyes. He knew it was irritating him because his knee was bouncing like a maniac. Brendon much preferred to be in control. The blindfold made him feel helpless.

Ryan reached over and put his hand on Brendon’s knee to still it. “Come on, you really don’t trust me after all this time?”

“Of course I trust you,” he replied, closing his hand over Ryan’s. “It’s just… you know how much I hate not knowing.”

Ryan smiled. “Just give me this one time, okay? I swear I won’t ever do it again.”

Brendon squeezed his hand. “So, are we there yet?”

“Almost.” He turned into the parking deck which was mostly empty. As he drove through to the area he wanted to park, he reflected on the past ten years. They’d been pretty spectacular, full of normal ups and downs.

After the amateur night battle of the bands at the Hive, they’d been asked to perform once a month when they could. _Sure, why not_ , they thought. Everyone seemed to really love their music and they decided to self-produce an EP. It sold really well and they were approached by a record company. Those negotiations didn’t go well.

The record producer wanted to change their style, he wanted to change them. Ryan had gotten the feeling that they only wanted Brendon, but were putting up with the rest of them so as not to scare Brendon away. The stress between them escalated. Ryan had graduated and was working part time jobs wherever he could. Spencer had decided to double major in business and music performance. Brendon was majoring in music performance on more than one instrument. They were busy with that and Ryan and Jon were busy with work. Add the record producer changing things on top of that. Eventually something was going to break.

It was Spencer and Jon that broke. They were fighting constantly until one night Ryan and Brendon heard their front door slam and Spencer stood there, dripping wet from the rain outside, eyes swollen from the tears he’d been crying. Brendon had taken Spencer back to change into dry clothes and Ryan had fixed hot chocolate. They sat and listened as Spencer told them what had happened.

The split had caused a slight rift between Ryan and Brendon since Ryan was siding with Jon. Ryan just understood Jon’s side better. Brendon was appalled that Ryan wasn’t siding with his best friend. But thankfully, Brendon understood and they both worked to get Spencer and Jon back together. They dropped all thoughts of the band going anywhere and concentrated on the here and now.

Brendon’s and Spencer’s graduation was a joyous occasion. Spencer and Jon confessed their love for each other in front of Spencer’s family and Ryan had proposed to Brendon. They got married that fall with all of their friends in attendance. 

Ryan had gotten an offer not long after to write lyrics for a band. Due to the success of the first song he had written for them, he was getting requests from other artists. Now he was a well-known lyricist. There were some lyrics he would write and not give to anyone. He thought maybe one day he could convince Brendon to sing them for him.

Brendon ended up teaching music. He had finally gotten a steady job working with disabled children and he loved it. Currently, he was working on his doctorate. His thesis was on how children with different disabilities reacted to certain styles of music. Ryan loved it when Brendon would ask him to play for the children. Even he noticed the difference in them when he played his acoustic compared to his electric guitar. Sometimes Jon would tag along and Brendon would sing while they played. 

Ryan pulled into a parking space near the elevators and jumped out to go help Brendon out of the car. “No, you can’t take off the blindfold,” he said as he caught Brendon about to pull it off. “You get to surprise me all the time. It’s my turn.”

Brendon pouted as he climbed out of the car. “This is awful.”

He kissed his cheek as he closed the door and took his hand to lead him to the elevator. “It’s not so bad. And you’re going to love the final destination. I promise.”

Brendon sighed in defeat. “Oh, all right.”

They entered the elevator and Ryan pressed the button for the floor he wanted before taking Brendon’s hand as the doors closed. He smiled as he felt Brendon lean against him. This was one of his favorite places in the world now. This was where he and Brendon had met. He was going to love what he had planned.

The plan was able to happen because of Spencer. He’d decided to go back to school and become a lawyer. He was interning at the same law firm. He had been a great help in getting Ryan into the building after hours so he could surprise Brendon. The elevator stopped and he took Brendon’s shoulders to guide him down the hall and into the file room.

When he finally stopped, he was in the aisle where he’d kissed Brendon for the first time. He reached up and took off the blindfold. Brendon blinked his eyes to adjust to the light. And then he gasped. There was a table set for two in the aisle with candles and flowers and a bottle of wine. “Okay, I have to admit that this is a really good surprise.”

Ryan beamed. He was so pleased to finally have done something for Brendon. He reached over and uncovered the plate nearest him. “Eggplant parmesan,” he said with a smile. “Your favorite.”

That made Brendon laugh. “Yeah, best surprise ever.” He slid his arms around Ryan’s waist and kissed him.

Reluctantly, Ryan broke the kiss. “Let’s eat before it gets cold.”

They sat and had a wonderful dinner, talking about their day like normal. Brendon kicked off his shoe and ran his foot along Ryan’s calf, making the other man laugh and grin. “Spence and Jon are due back tomorrow, right?” Brendon said as he poured the last of the wine into their glasses. They were finishing their meal with a bit of sorbet.

“Yeah. We’re supposed to be at the airport by four.” Spencer and Jon had gone on a second honeymoon to celebrate their fifth wedding anniversary. 

“It’ll be nice to have them home. I’ve missed them.”

“Honestly, so have I.” Ryan looked into his glass, wondering if it was time to pull out his biggest surprise. 

“This was really great, Ry. What a place to celebrate our first date than where we first met.”

“I thought you’d like it.” He smiled. “But I’m not finished yet. I have one more thing for you.”

Brendon’s eyes widened and he leaned forward. “Oh? And what’s that?”

Ryan reached down beside him and opened the bottom drawer. It just so happened to be the same drawer that he’d been working in when Brendon had reached over him to put up a file then lost his balance and landed on top of Ryan. This was where Ryan had kissed Brendon for the first time. He pulled out a plain manila envelope and handed it to Brendon.

Brendon’s eyebrows furrowed as he took the envelope from him. “What’s this?”

“Just open it.”

Brendon undid the clasp and carefully pulled out the contents. On the top of the stack of papers was letterhead from the law firm in which they were sitting. He pulled them out further and saw their names and address. He glanced up at Ryan.

“Go ahead,” Ryan said encouragingly. “Read it out loud.”

Brendon pulled the papers all of the way out of the envelope and began reading. “Dear Mr. Ross and Mr. Urie, it is my pleasure to inform you…” His eyes widened and he looked up at Ryan again, his heart thudding in his chest.

“Go on.”

Brendon swallowed hard. “…to inform you that you have been approved to be put on the list for adoptions immediately.” He looked up yet again, his eyes glistening with tears. “We’ve been approved.”

“Yeah.” Ryan smiled back at him.

“I’m going to be a dad.”

“Eventually, yeah.”

“ _You’re_ going to be a dad.”

Ryan blushed. Yes, he was going to be a dad, too. They had spent the last year filling out forms and sitting in interviews, having their lives spread out before everyone, because they wanted to adopt. And despite all of their problems in their youth, and even the fact that they were a gay couple, they’d been accepted. 

Brendon was suddenly in his lap, clasping his face gently between his hands. “We’re going to be the best fathers ever, Ryan. Best fathers ever.”

And he knew Brendon was right. They were going to be the best fathers ever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you, everyone, for giving this a read. I really hope it was enjoyable for you as much as it was for me to write.


End file.
